Culture Shock
by Splinter
Summary: Holy crow it's back! Sort of. Gonna dust this baby off and finish it. Nine year old Ren is going to find out more about his father than he ever dreamed possible. And more about his own life than he ever wanted to know.
1. Default Chapter

((Ok...by popular demand...or is it threats...I'm going to dust this one off and finish the darn thing. Sorry it just kept giving me the worst fits of any fic I've ever written. OC's are not my specialty. I don't really like them. I think that's why this one was so hard. ANYWAY...over the next week or so I'm going to polish up the first dozen chapters...remind everyone what's going on..and then start posting the rest. So..ready or not here it comes...))

"What I've felt, what I've known  
Never shined through in what I've shown  
Never free, never me  
So I dub thee unforgiven"

(Metallica "the Unforgiven")

I was always a perceptive child. I've spent a lot of time reading and I've heard my parents refer to me as a prodigy more than once. But it doesn't take a genius to see that their marriage was strained. I'm not saying they don't love each other, because I'm pretty sure they do. It's just there has always been this tension between them that kept them from being really happy.

I think it has something to do with my dad's family--or lack thereof. I've never met them. In all my nine years of life, no one has even mentioned them directly to me. It was one of those things my parents didn't talk about while I was around, but that I was able to hear enough pieces of argument to get an idea.

From what I can figure out, my dad's family really didn't like my mom and they told him to leave her alone. But my dad's kind of stubborn; not to mention that he loved my mom. So, they ran away together and now here I am. I think my dad feels guilty about running out like that. Once, when I was about six, my dad tried to call a brother of his. He never did get in touch with him, but when my mom found out she was so ticked that she took me away to a hotel for the night. My dad came after us and we went home the next day, but he never tried to contact him again.

I get along with my dad ok. He's more...likeable than mom. Not that my mother is a bad person, but sometimes it seems that she's content to just ignore me. When my dad is away on his business trips once a month or so, me and my mom barely talk at all. Don't get me wrong. My mom's ok. She doesn't yell at me or hit me or anything. Actually the only smack I ever got in my life my dad gave me. And that was for running across the street when I was 4. I think he was more scared than anything. I have to admit I was too. That car came real close to hitting me.

Anyway, in bed that night, I wondered if my dad's relatives didn't like my mom because she was a human. My dad is a mutant turtle and he's explained to me all about the prejudices that humans have against mutants. But maybe it works the other way too and mutants have some prejudices against humans. I look more like my mom than my dad. I have her black hair and rather than green, my skin is kind of a dark olive color. When I was little, I used to get mad because I wanted a shell like my dad. My shell is barely noticeable and very underdeveloped. It took me awhile to realize that was a good thing. It meant I could go out during the day without people being able to tell I was half turtle.

I started at a loud commotion coming from downstairs. Curious, I got out of bed and opened the door to hear my mom shouting.

"What the hell is he doing here, Leo? How did he find us?"

"Taki," I heard my father try to soothe her. "I wrote years ago and told him where to find us. But only if there was an emergency and I swore him to secrecy."

Mom's voice raised another octave. "You broke your word to me! You will regret this Leonardo!" I heard my mom run up the stairs and I ducked back in my room just as she passed. Once I heard her bedroom door slam, I slipped out of my room to the top of the stairs. I looked down into the living room and my jaw dropped. He was standing there with my dad and they were almost exact duplicates.

My dad covered his eyes tiredly and said, "Why did you come here, Raphael?"

"He's asking for you," the double said softly, but I could hear the anger in his voice.

My dad looked up quickly and he seemed a bit scared. "Is he...sick?"

"Why the hell do you care, Leo..."

"Raph, don't start," my dad interrupted. "You know the situation was complicated. I did..."

Raphael pointed a finger in my dad's face. "What you did was turn your back on your family. What you did, you ungrateful bastard, was break your sensei's heart." He paused and then said more slowly. "What you did was unforgivable. But he still wants to see you." He cocked his head to the side. "We have an audience."

My dad spun around and saw me at the top of the stairs. "Ren, you should be in bed," he said sternly. Then he sighed. "Nevermind. Come down and meet your Uncle Raphael."

Looking at this twin of my father's from a distance was one thing but the thought of being close to him was making me nervous. After all, there had to be a reason why my mom hated him. So I didn't move to obey the directive which caused Raphael to laugh.

"Nice to know I still have that effect on children."

My dad glared at him before saying again even more forcefully, "Ren, I said come down here. Don't be impolite."

I knew better than to disobey that tone, so I bit my lip nervously and went down the stairs.  
My dad put his arm around me protectively. "Ren, this is your uncle, Raphael. Raphael, your nephew, Ren."

Raphael looked at my dad with a tight smile. "Shushi miren?"

I looked at them both in confusion. Whatever Raphael just said really ticked Dad off and he replied angrily speaking in another language. I realized suddenly that it was Japanese. My mom was from Japan and sometimes sang in her native language around the house, but I never knew Dad could speak it.

Raphael clenched his fists at his sides and cut Dad off. "You have no right to lecture me about anything, Leo. We are not sixteen anymore and you are not the perfect oldest son that has authority over the rest of us." He took a deep breath. "If it were up to me, I would let you burn in this private hell you created for yourself. But it's not up to me. I've been sent to bring you home. Splinter is dying."

I had never seen my dad cry, but right now I think he was just seconds away from a complete collapse. Whoever Splinter was, he must mean an awful lot to him. And Raphael looked pretty smug for someone who just delivered such horrible news. It was like he was taking great pleasure in Dad's pain.

Dad backed up until he was against a wall and then slid down with his face in his hands. I went to sit beside him, telling myself it was to offer comfort, but knowing it was just to get away from Raphael.

"Dad?" I said quietly. He didn't seem to hear me.

"Ren?"

I looked up at Mom's voice to see her coming down the stairs. "Mom. Dad..." I didn't know what to say. I didn't know who Splinter was and why his death would be such a blow to my father. I looked up to Raphael, but he said nothing to explain. He didn't even look at her.

"Go to bed, Ren," she said.

I stood up slowly and gestured to Dad. "But..."

"Your Father will be fine," she assured me. "And Raphael was just leaving. Go to bed."

In my opinion, Raphael didn't look like he was going anywhere--at least not without my father.

Mom took me by the hand and led me to the stairs. "But," I tried again to explain what I didn't understand. "Dad's going with..."

"He's not going anywhere, Ren," she said firmly.

At that, Raphael's turned a laser glare on my mother. "Listen, bitch..."

"Raphael," Dad said from the floor. He looked to have gained some control over his grief and his eyes became as hard as stone. "Leave my home. Now."

Raphael was at a loss for words. "You mean that you can't bring youself to go to him? Even now? When he's dying?"

"Ren, go to bed," Mom ordered pushing me upstairs. I looked back and saw my dad get to his feet as Raphael continued, growing angrier.

"You look me in the eye you worthless piece of shit and tell me you're going to let Splinter die without giving him even a simple apology!" I gasped because Raphael had him pinned against the wall. Mother hurried me along trying to block my view.

"This is my family now, Raphael," my father said with conviction. "Please tell Sensei..." He got no further than that. I didn't even see the blow, but the next thing I knew, Dad was on his knees coughing, trying to get the breath back that was knocked out of him. Before my mother was able to push me completely from sight, I saw Raphael lean over him and I heard him growl.

"Don't call him Sensei. You are no student of his and no brother of mine."

( "shushi miren" literally means "meaning regret". Raphael was asking Leonardo if the name Ren was short for miren----regret)


	2. We torture those we love

((Ok this is where the Raph torture starts..heh..dontcha love it?))

I stayed awake for quite awhile after Mother closed the door to my room. I listened for the inevitable argument between her and Dad, but no matter how much I strained, I couldn't hear anything. Finally I just closed my eyes and let sleep claim me.

"Quiet, you'll wake him up."

"Yeah right. Kids his age sleep like the dead."

"And you're basing this on your many years of dealing with children, right?"

"I've dealt with you for almost 30 years ain't I?"

I woke up to a cool breeze on my face that told me I was outside, but I was too scared to open my eyes. I only recognized one of the voices and it was Raphael.

"Where are we meeting?" This came from the person I'd never heard before, but not the one carrying me. Which meant that I was now in Raphael's hands. I tried not to tense at that thought, because that might give away the fact that I was awake. If I could feign sleep just long enough so that he will put me down, I might have hope of escaping.

"The train yard," Raphael answered and shifted my weight in his arms. "Damn, what has Leo been feeding him? This kid weighs a ton."

"You think he'll stay asleep until we get to New York?"

I got so scared; I didn't even hear Raphael's reply. 'New York?' I thought. 'That's like four states away.' It didn't take me too long to figure out that I was going to be a hostage. If my dad wouldn't go along willingly, they were going to force him.

I really had no plan. The only thing I did know was that I wasn't going anywhere with Raphael. I waited until he shifted me around to a more comfortable position again and then turned and bit his arm as hard as I could.

"Ah! Shit!" he screamed in surprise and pain, then dropped me. But I was ready for that and I landed on my feet running. I had no clue where I was at or where I was headed, but I saw the train yard they had been talking about up ahead. Figuring I had a better chance of hiding than running, I went straight for it.

"Gotcha, ya little brat!" Hands grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up I the air. I screamed and twisted trying to get away, but my mouth was covered so I couldn't call for help.

"Didn't your dad teach you anything about defending yourself?" Raphael asked pinning my arms to my side.

"Raph, you got the poor kid scared to death." Raphael turned so I could finally see who the other voice belonged to and my eyes widened in surprise. It was another almost duplicate of my father—this one being a bit shorter.

"He's lucky I don't knock his damn teeth down his throat," Raphael snarled. "He drew blood!"

The other turtle shook his head and then smiled at me. "I'm your Uncle Michaelangelo, Ren. Raphael will let you go if you promise not to scream or try to run away."

I shook my head violently even as Raphael said. "The hell I will."

Michaelangelo sighed and looked at Raphael in frustration. "He's nine, what's your excuse?"

I was carried into the train yard, kicking and fighting all the way. I think I heard Raphael say something about knocking me out, but Michaelangelo quickly disabused him of the idea.

There was a train resting on one of the tracks nearby, but it looked deserted for the night. It didn't look like a passenger train; it looked more like for hauling things. I realized that they were going to stow away on the train, but they couldn't if I was making too much noise. That was why they were hoping I would stay asleep! I stopped struggling. Better to conserve my strength until morning when someone would be around to hear me.

"There you go," Raphael said. "Now you're being a good boy. Can you keep being good so that I can let go of your mouth?" I bristled at his tone. He was patronizing me, treating me as though I were a baby. I'd show him.

I nodded in answer to his question and as soon as he moved his hand I growled, "Screw you!"

The two of them were shocked into silence by my outburst and then much to my embarrassment, they actually started to laugh.

"So Leo's boy has some spunk?" Raphael smirked. "Who'd ever thought it?"

Michaelangelo climbed into one of the train cars and Raphael lifted me up to him. Though more gentle than Raphael, Michaelangelo kept a firm hold on me as well. Raphael closed the car door as soon as he was safely inside and I was finally let go.

"I'll take first watch, Mike," Raphael said. "Get some sleep."

"Yeah, ok. Wake me in a few hours and I'll take over for you." He pulled a small satchel from the corner and got out a blanket before turning to me. "Come on, Ren. You need to get some rest too. It'll be a long trip tomorrow."

I gulped, but as much as I hated to admit it, I was tired. Michaelangelo held out his hand to me and I took it reluctantly, fighting back tears. I curled up on the blanket next to him, shivering from the cold and fear.

Michaelangelo looked at me with pity and I hated him for making me feel weak. "Don't worry, Ren. No one's gonna hurt you. Things will look better in the morning. I promise."

I looked over at Raphael who was leaning against the door wrapping his arm where I had bit him. I smiled briefly and fell asleep feeling enormous satisfaction.

I must have drifted off because I heard voices muttering around me again like they were talking through some thick fog.

"Where the hell is he? The train leaves in ten minutes."

"Yeah I know. Things can't always be easy. Besides, it's more fun that way."

It wasRaphael and Michaelangelo talking. When I opened my eyes, I could see the sun starting to rise through the partially opened door. Ten minutes. I had ten minutes to come up with a plan and get away. Michaelangelo turned away from the door and I quickly closed my eyes.

I heard him looking for something and then he said, "I'll be back."

I opened my eyes and saw Michaelangelo dressed in a trench coat and fedora jump off the train. Raphael sighed and closed the door before heading toward me. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could and felt him leaning over me looking for something. A quick silent prayer and I opened my eyes. It's funny the way fate works. I couldn't have asked for a better target. I kicked him between the legs as hard as I could and jumped up.

In my whole life, I've never heard anyone scream like Raphael did when my foot connected. He fell to the ground cursing and yelling, but I wasn't about to hang around to make sure he was ok. I pulled open the train door and jumped to the ground.

I hadn't taken two steps when I ran straight into a trench coat clad figure. I was lifted off the ground again as I heard Raphael.

"Where is that little brat? I swear I'm gonna kill him. He's just like his god- damn father. Where is he?"

I buried my head into my captor's shoulder, hoping for some sort of protection. Michaelangelo had always tried to be kind to me.

"What's going on?" I heard Michaelangelo ask coming up beside me. "You're making enough noise to wake the dead, Raph."

"First that little prick bit me and now he kicks me in the groin! Leo, haven't you taught your kid a damn thing about manners?"

I looked up confused. If Michaelangelo was beside me than who was…who had me now? Did Raphael just say…? I watched as the trench coat figure reached up and pushed the hat back a little to reveal his face.

My dad smiled at me. "So, are you having fun with your uncles, Ren?"


	3. Go Fish

((Here we go..chapter 3 once again. I'm hoping to have all 11 or so chapters posted by Monday or Tuesday and then start the new stuff. Thanks Rein for the review. I'm glad I did my part in making your husband think you crazy :) ))

My dad put me down and ushered me back to the train even as Raphael kept yelling at the both of us. Michaelangelo trailed behind with a half-hidden smirk as he watched Raph trying to deal with some pain as he climbed back in the car.

"Need some help, Raph?" he asked jumping in and offering his hand.

Raphael growled and he pulled himself up. "Shut up, Mike." He closed the door and knelt in front of it with his head down groaning. When he looked up, it was with pure fire in his eyes and they glared straight at Dad. "Next time, Leonardo, why don't you let your son in on the plan so he doesn't fucking freak out!"

"What plan?" I interrupted confused. I looked up at my father who was returning Raphael's glare and ignoring my question. "Dad? What plan?"

Moments passed and I heard the train whistle blow as we pulled out. Finally, my father looked down at me with a sigh. "Ren, there is a lot going on right now that's hard to explain…"

Raphael snorted at that and Dad turned back to him. "Don't you ever quit with the attitude? I would have thought that you had outgrown it by now."

Raphael stood up with some difficulty. "Don't. Start. I will not put up with it." He got closer and, although I backed up, my dad stood his ground. "I will toss your sorry ass off this train in a heartbeat." He and my father stood toe-to-toe, eye-to-eye and his voice lowered. "You art notchunin of this clan anymore, Leo. I am."

"Raph…"Michaelangelo started in protest as Dad looked like he had just been kicked in the groin himself.

"Stay out of it, Mike," Dad said softly, never taking his eyes of his brother. "Raphael's right."

"Damn straight, I'm right," Raphael said. "And unless you want to challenge me right here and now, I suggest you sit down."

It was completely silent for almost a minute and neither my father nor Raphael would look away. My dad's fists clenched and unclenched and he seemed to be fighting a battle with himself.

"Stand down...or fight, Leo," Raphael repeated through clenched teeth.

Dad turned away and went to sit down in the far corner of the car.

Michaelangelo didn't say anything, but he was looking at Raphael with undisguised fury. And much to my surprise, as Raphael also turned to walk away, I didn't see the look of satisfaction that I had expected on his face. There was a hint of disbelief and if I didn't know any better, I would say there was also a touch of sorrow.

I stayed as close to my father and as far away from Raphael as I could after that. I don't think I've ever been so confused in my life and being exhausted wasn't helping matters either. My brain felt numb as I tried to make sense out of what was going on. I knew now with a great deal of certainty that my father and his brothers had kidnapped me. I wondered briefly if I would ever see my mom again. Sadly, the thought of never seeing her again didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. But like I said, we weren't exactly close.

I looked at Raphael who was sitting uneasily on the floor and I smiled because I knew that it wasn't too comfortable for him to walk either. He and my dad didn't seem to like each other too much and they hadn't spoken since that last confrontation. I would really like to know what all that talk was about clans and challenges. What I did know was that I really hated Raphael.

Michaelangelo, on the other hand, I liked him a lot. He sat down beside me and reached into his satchel to pull out a deck of cards. He began shuffling them enthusiastically.

"Wanna play?" he asked.

"I…uh only know how to play 'Go Fish'," I told him with an apologetic sigh.

He grinned. "Me too. Cheaper that way. I lose less money gambling." He started to deal. "You want dealt in, Leo?"

On the other side of me, my dad looked completely lost in thought. It seemed as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He looked up at the mention of his name. "Hm? Oh. No, Mike. You guys play." He smiled at me. "Be careful, Ren. Your Uncle Mike used to be quite the card shark." With that he stood up and went away to another corner of the train to be alone.

"You playing, Raph?" Michaelangelo called out to the lump by the door. Raphael just ignored him and pulled his hat further down over his eyes. Michaelangelo shrugged and starting dealing. He winked at me. "Didn't really want him to play anyway."

I nodded and picked up the cards as he dealt, venturing carefully. "Can I ask you a question, Michaelangelo?"

He eyed me sternly. "Sure, if you stop calling me Michaelangelo."

I blanched, frightened that I offended him. "Sir?" I asked fearfully.

To my relief, his face softened and he laughed. "No, Ren, that's not what I meant." He held his cards close to him. "I mean, I am your uncle. You have any threes?"

Relaxing I shook my head. "Go fish. So, Uncle Michaelangelo, do you have any sixes?"

He tossed a card to me. "No, I don't think I like that either. How 'bout Uncle Mike?"

"Ok." I watched him study his cards for a second before saying again. "Can I ask you a question, Uncle Mike?"

He didn't look up. "Yeah. Do you have any tens?"

I handed him two of my cards. "What's going on?"

He stared intently at his cards for almost a full minute as if the answer was written on them, and then he looked up with a crooked grin. "That's a pretty broad question, Kiddo. Can you be more specific?"

I thought about that and then shook my head. "No, not really." I hesitated because I didn't want to make him angry and then plunged ahead anyway. "I think you know what I mean anyway."

Michaelangelo scratched his head and frowned. "Yeah I guess maybe I do. You're pretty bright, you know. You must have some of Donny's genes in you."

I knew that he was changing the subject to avoid answering my question, but all the same this new name made me curious. "Who's Donny? You have any kings?"

"Go fish. Donny? Oh that's Donatello. Your other uncle."

I gasped. "How many uncles do I have?" Up until last night, I didn't know I had any.

Mike chuckled. "Just me and Donny and…" he tilted his head in Raphael's general direction. "Raphael."

I looked over to where he indicated. "Is Donatello like…him?" I didn't think I could handle that.

"No, Raphael is in class by himself. You have any twos?"

I put the cards down, not feeling much like playing anymore and looked Uncle Mike in the eyes. "Why does he hate me and my dad so much?"

Michaelangelo returned my gaze. "Look, Ren, there are just some things that your dad is going to have to explain to you. And just for the record, Raphael doesn't hate you or Leo. He's just…"

Several different words came to mind as Michaelangelo struggled to find an adjective to explain Raphael. But with my father so close by, I dare not say them. "I know," I sighed letting Uncle Mike off the hook. "It's complicated adult stuff that I'm too young to understand."

He patted my head sympathetically. "I'm not really sure I even understand, Ren."

I was quiet for a second and then said. "Why don't I tell you what I know and then you can tell me if I'm right?"

Uncle Mike nodded slowly. "Fair enough. You make a statement and I'll say whether you're right or wrong. Don't expect me to give you any other information though." He smiled. "You can't con a con man."

I returned the smile. "Ok…we're on our way to New York."

"Right. But, that's an easy one. I expected more from you." He shook his head in mock disappointment.

I chuckled and said, "Give me a chance, I'm just getting started. We're going to see someone named Splinter who is dying."

A look of grief passed over his face and he sighed. "Yeah that's right too. Your dad never told you about us or Splinter, huh?"

"No," I replied sorry for bringing it up. I didn't want to make Michaelangelo upset. "Will you tell me about him?"

Uncle Mike smiled weakly. "He's our…father."

"Father?" I echoed. "Another turtle?"

"Eh…no. He's not a turtle. He's….hey wait a second, I'm not supposed to give you information. I'm just telling you if you're right or not."

I sighed. "Well, it was worth a try. Ok…you and Raphael kidnapped me."

"Whoa…hold up there," he said holding up his hands in protest.

"Well, I remember going to sleep in my room and then the next thing I know Raphael is carrying me down the street. I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't know where I am…"

"Ren, it's not as simple as…" he started but I wouldn't let him finish.

"Am I right or not?"

"That's not exactly what happened. I mean…yeah we took you from your room, but we were told…I mean…your dad…" He sighed. "I'm better at charades."

"What's a chunin?" I asked suddenly, knowing I had him a little off balance and moved to take advantage.

"It's Japanese," a voice said from behind. We turned to see Raphael standing over us. I moved closer to Michaelangelo as Raph squatted down in front of me.

"Kinda means leader," Mike explained vaguely. "Kinda."

"Which is what I am," Raphael interrupted. "And you better remember it."

I lifted my chin a little and tried to pretend that he didn't scare me. "Why? Can't you remember it?" I put as much sarcasm as I could manage in that question, letting Raphael know exactly what I thought of him.

He got right up in my face. "When we get to New York, your dad has a lot to make up for and you've got a lot to learn about being in this clan. And it'll be my job to teach you."

Michaelangelo put his hand on my shoulder protectively. "Stop, Raph. You're scaring him."

"No he's not," I lied and then glared at Raph defiantly. "I don't belong to any clan. Especially not one that you're leader of, Raphael."

Raphael's face darkened and I backed up reflexively. Then he smiled which scared me even more. "Don't worry, Miren. We'll work on respect first." He walked away.

I took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

"Ren," Michaelangelo turned me to face him. "Everything's gonna be ok, I promise."

"I don't understand what's going on," I said angrily as the tears fell. "What clan am I a part of?"

"Seshuu," Mike said softly. "Your heritage."

I looked into his eyes. "My dad…" I tried to find the answers in my uncle's eyes.

Mike nodded. "His heritage."

"And…Splinter?"

"Master Splinter," Michaelangelo corrected. "Izou. His legacy."

I glanced over at Dad, who had not heard a word of the confrontation, and instantly felt sorry for him. My father never was what you would call overly bubbly or enthusiastic about life, but he usually had a quick smile and a kind of mellow nature. He was really good at burying his emotions, especially if he got angry or upset. So, the torment that I saw him going through hit me pretty hard, because he wasn't trying to hide it. What made it worse, was that I couldn't help him because no one would tell me what was going on.

With another sigh, I got up and made my way over to him. He looked up and smiled weakly at my approach. I didn't say anything. I just fell down beside him put my arms around him, resting my head on his lap. If my dad's mood was any indication of what lay ahead, we definitely needed to be able to lean on each other, because, right now, that's all we had.


	4. More of the puzzle

My dad didn't say much. He still seemed to be in his own private world, as he absently stroked my hair—a habit of his whenever I was around. I once asked him why and he laughed and told me it was because he never had hair of his own. He also said that it always calmed me down when I was small and helped to lull me to sleep. Yeah I could believe that because I started to drift off in response to the soothing caress….

I floated high and as I looked down I could see myself as a baby sitting on the living room floor of our house playing. My parents were nowhere to be seen, but I could certainly hear them. Loud arguing was coming from a few rooms over. My younger self was not bothered by the racket, but I was curious as to what they were arguing about.

_"No, Taki," my dad said. "I can't do this shit anymore."_

_"You can and you will," my mom argued. "What are you worried about? Your honor?" She laughed and seemed to be mocking him._

_I heard a slam and then my dad growl. "I should kill you."_

_"But you won't. Where will you go? Your family won't have you and with Ren slowing you down, you won't hide from the Foot forever. Unless you plan on leaving Ren?"_

_"Taki, just let me take him and go. I'll do this last mission for you and then we'll be out of your life. What is Ren to you, except leverage over me?" He seemed calmer now and more reasonable._

_"Well, what is to you Leo?" Again my mother's mocking voice asked. "Except a constant reminder of your betrayal to your sensei? And a constant symbol of your lost honor? And don't even think of taking him. That would break the truce you made with the Foot and your family would not survive our retaliations. I hear your sensei is getting weaker."_

_I couldn't hear my dad's answer, but seconds later he came into the living room and picked me up off the floor. "I have to go away for a couple days, Ren, on some business…"_

The image started to fade until I couldn't see or hear him anymore……

I opened my eyes and looked around seeing that I was still on the train. My father was no longer near me, but I could still hear his voice in my dream. A dream? I wondered. Or a memory? And then I realized that it wasn't the dream I was still hearing, but was really him.

In the corner, Raphael, Uncle Mike and my dad stood talking. Since they hadn't noticed I was awake, they were making no effort to keep me from hearing them.

"You have to tell him something," Michaelangelo said. "He's a smart kid and he'll figure it out on his own."

My dad sighed. "Yeah I know, Mike. I'm just not sure how to explain everything yet. I've wanted to do this for so long, but I was trapped. I wouldn't know where to start explaining."

Raphael grinned. "Why don't you start with 'your mom's a whore' and work your way from there?"

Mike glared at him and then turned back to my dad with a small smile. "Leo, why didn't you call us? We would have helped. You should have known we would protect you and Ren."

Deciding to ignore Raphael's comment, Leo shook his head. "It wouldn't have been right, Mike. It was my own stubbornness that got me into this. You all tried to warn me, but I played right into Taki's hands. Splinter was so disappointed. I don't know how I'm going to face him after all this time."

No one answered for a moment and then Raphael replied. "You'll face him because you have to. Because you owe it to him and it's your duty. The brother I remember never backed away from his duty."

I looked up at that comment shocked. Raphael actually sounded sincere. I waited to hear what my dad would say.

"So, I'm your brother again, am I?" my dad asked with a light tone.

"You were always our brother, Leo," Mike said.

"Even if you forgot for awhile, " Raph added. "Now wake up your brat. The train's stopping and April's going to meet us to take us to Mike's apartment."

"And to Splinter," my dad said softly. And if I wasn't mistaken there was a touch of fear in his voice.

As my dad and his brothers went to gather their things to prepare for our arrival, I closed my eyes and thought about what I heard. For the first time in my nine years of life, I realized that my dad didn't love my mom. And unless I missed my guess, he pretty much hated her although I couldn't figure out why. He played into her hands, I thought. What could that mean?

"Leo," I heard Uncle Mike begin hesitantly, breaking into my thoughts. "I always wondered…after you found out about Taki…why did you still leave?"

There was silence for a moment and then Raphael said, "Mike, drop it." I was surprised to hear some sympathy in his voice.

"No, no, it's ok, Raph," my dad said. "I..uh…I didn't have much of a choice, Mike…."

I listened to my father's story and it became clear why seeing Splinter had him so scared.

_Leonardo walked hesitantly into the lair. He had been watching for a couple days now and purposely waited until his brothers had left for awhile. He needed to talk to Splinter alone. It had been more than two months since he had seen him and the memory of their last conversation made him wince. _

_Why didn't I listen to him? He had been right all along _

_Leo headed towards his sensei's room and before he could even knock on the closed door, Splinter's voice called, "Come in, Leonardo." _

_He opened the door cautiously. _

_"Come in, Leonardo," Splinter repeated more forcefully. His normally unreadable face, was still the mixture of anger and disappointment Leonardo remembered from two months before. _

_Leo swallowed the lump in his throat and made his way over to kneel before his master. He touched his head to the floor. "I am in terrible trouble, Master." _

_Splinter said nothing and Leonardo was afraid to look up. "You were right about Taki. She has trapped me."_

_Still Splinter said nothing and Leo was beginning to wish he would at least yell at him or something. Desperately, he said, "Master, I know I was disrespectful to you…I was horrid to you, but please, I need your help." _

_Splinter finally spoke, but his voice had a slight edge to it. "What would you have me do, Leonardo?" _

_Leonardo raised his head from the floor, but kept his eyes on the ground. He couldn't bring himself to admit how The Foot had trapped him. To explain his own sinful lust to his master was more humiliation than Leo could bear. His voice dropped to a whisper. "They have forced me…to work for them, Sensei." _

_Splinter leaned forward intently. "What sort of work, Leonardo?" _

_Leo shook his head. "I can't…Master, please don't ask…" _

_"What sort of work, Leonardo?" Splinter demanded sternly. _

_If Splinter's hearing had not been so acute, he would never have heard Leo's shameful reply. "Assassinations mostly. A couple of robberies." Leo looked up with tears in his eyes and for the first time in his life saw that Splinter was ashamed of him. "I'm so sorry, Master. I never meant to use what you taught me for such things." _

_Splinter closed his eyes as if looking at his son were too painful for him. "I ask again, Leonardo, what would you have me do? If you are truly remorseful, than refuse what they order you to do." _

_Leonardo looked back at the floor. "I can't…" The tears fell from his eyes. _

_"What is it that binds you to them, Leonardo?" Splinter asked with a spark of anger. "Pride? Love?" He paused for a moment. "Or lust?" _

_Leonardo drew in a quick breath. Coming here had been a mistake. Splinter would not help a son who had no honor. And Splinter's words told Leo just how much his sensei thought of him now. He dropped his head to the floor once more. "Gomen nasai, Sensei." He stood and turned to leave. _

_"Leonardo, " Splinter's voice called him back. _

_Leo turned and for the briefest of moments, he thought Splinter would forgive him and tell him everything would be alright. _

_"You have made your choice and now you must live with it." _

_Leonardo bit his lips until they bled. He wanted to die, for the earth to swallow him right where he stood. He couldn't reply---all he could do was nod. He had made his choice. _

_But Splinter's next words nearly drove Leo to the point of insanity. "Leave your katana, Leonardo," Splinter ordered. "You will not use my gift to you for such dishonorable deeds." _

_Leonardo looked up in horror. Leave his katana? Splinter couldn't be serious. But one look into Splinter's hardened face told Leo that he was very serious. With shaking hands, he unsheathed the katana and placed them on the floor in front of his master. It took all his will, to not just run himself through with the sword and be done with it. Only thoughts of his unborn child stayed his hand, and how the Foot would be sure to kill him if Leo never returned. With a sob, Leonardo turned and fled his master's chamber for the last time. _

(End Leo's narrative)

During the telling of his story, my father had sat down against a wall. Obviously, time had not taken away the pain that last encounter caused him. Uncle Mike sat beside him to offer him some comfort. "You should have told him about the baby, Leo. He would have at leastunderstood why."

I realized that I now had more pieces to my puzzle. But having the pieces didn't necessarily mean I knew where they went.

"Stop pretending you're asleep, Miren."

I opened my eyes to see Raphael looking down at me with a smirk on his face.

"My name is Ren," I told him angrily. "And I wasn't pretending to be asleep. I was…"

"Eavesdropping," Raphael said. "Your dad really hasn't taught you any manners." He kicked me lightly on the leg. "Get up. We're leaving soon."

I didn't like Raphael ordering me around. In fact, I hated it. So I stubbornly refused to move.

Raphael snarled and dropped down beside me. "I have dealt with worse than a bratty nine year old. Like it or not, I'm in charge around here and you will listen to me or I will kick your scrawny ass into next week."

My eyes widened in fear and I glanced over at my father to see if he heard what was going on. But my dad was still talking to Uncle Mike and he was completely oblivious to anything else.

Frustrated, Raphael grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me into a sitting position. "Are you really that selfish and spoiled? Your father is in a personal hell right now and he doesn't need your attitude making things worse." He smiled at me. "And until your father remembers who he is, I'm going to do what he should have done from the start." He stood up, still having me by the shirt and dragged me to my feet.

I glared at Raphael. Oh, how I hated him. I wished I had the guts enough to kick him again.

"From this moment, until I tell you different," Raphael began. "You will call me Sensei."

My eyes narrowed. "Sensei? Is that Japanese for bastard?" As long as my father wasn't listening, I figured I could get some shots in.

Raphael gritted his teeth. "I can't wait to get you in the training room and get rid of that attitude. You're going to find out exactly how things work in this family."

"I am not your family, Raphael!" I screamed finally drawing the attention of my uncle and father.

It was funny, I remember standing there and then the next thing I knew I was lying flat on my back with Raphael on top of me holding some sort of weapon at my throat.

"Raphael!" I heard my dad and Uncle Mike yell.

He ignored them. "Care to repeat that, Miren?"

I leaned back as far as I could from the blade and whispered. "I said, I am not your family….Sensei."

Raphael chuckled. "That's better."


	5. To be ninja

They were trying to argue softly. Not that it would have made a difference if I could hear them because they were also arguing in Japanese. I hadn't moved from the spot on the floor where Raphael knocked me down. Seemed a little safer there than anywhere near Raphael and my father.

Uncle Mike, I noticed, didn't get involved in their fight. He just shook his head angrily and started shoving the blankets and other things into a bag. He looked up and smiled at me. "Here, Ren," he said tossing something to me. "Your dad brought you some clothes to change into." He walked over and fell beside me. "Can't have you meeting the family for the first time in pajamas."

I glanced at where my father and uncle stood arguing. "My dad's pretty mad."

Mike nodded slowly and grinned a little. "Yeah, Raph tends to bring out the best in everyone. Especially Leo. Don't worry about it though. They used to do this all the time." He looked at me seriously. "You know, Raphael would never hurt you."

I touched the spot on my throat where his weapon had been just a few minutes ago. "Could've fooled me."

"Yeah well, he kinda forgot who he was dealing with for a second. That you don't understand things." He chuckled. "I can't count the number of times Splinter knocked me on my butt for mouthing off to him. He probably still could."

Oh God. I couldn't handle it if Splinter were like Raphael. "Splinter is your dad. Is he your...Sensei too?" I asked hesitantly.

Michaelangelo nodded. "Sensei or teacher."

"Teacher of what?" I wasn't sure I really wanted to know. I haven't been exactly living in a bubble. I looked normal enough to attend a private school near our house and we had a television. I knew a sensei was a teacher. Usually of martial arts. And judging by Raphael's weapon, I figured that it was a martial arts weapon. But what I couldn't understand was, why all the secrecy? Some of my friends studied martial arts, although my father refused to even discuss it with me. Why was everyone so solemn about it?

And Uncle Mike deepened the mystery by whispering. "Ninjutsu. The way of the ninja."

Ninja? Those guys who ran around in black hoods? But Mike looked so.reverent that I didn't dare ask. So instead I got back to my fear of meeting Splinter. "Did Splinter you know...ever hold a.a weapon on you?"

Mike was quiet for a second as if deep in thought. "I don't remember him ever holding a sai on me. Although. his walking stick was sure lethal enough." He laughed at my concerned face, breaking the seriousness of the conversation and nudged me. "I'm kidding. Sort of. Look, Ren, the way it works is that students just don't talk back to Sensei. Ever. Period. Not unless they're prepared for the consequences."

I really didn't like being lectured by Michaelangelo who up to that point had been very nice to me. "I'm nothis student," I muttered.

"Yeah well," Mike glanced up at my father and Raphael whose argument seemed to be winding down. "Looks like that may change soon."

My father broke away from Raphael and walked towards us. "He's still a stubborn asshole," he muttered to Mike when he was close enough.

Michaelangelo chuckled and stood up. "He said the same thing about you. Nice to know some things never change." He dusted himself off and wandered over to a corner to pick up a coat and hat from the floor. I noticed Raphael was getting dressed too.

I picked the clothes up Michaelangelo had tossed me earlier. "Dad, where are we going?"

My dad pulled on his own coat and hat. "The train's dropping us off outside of the city. A friend is picking us up and taking us to Mike's apartment." He wasn't looking at me.

"Dad," I said softly. "I'm scared."

He finally faced me with guilt written all over his face. He knelt down. "I'm sorry, Ren. I know you're scared. It's a lot to face all at once. And I know you have a lot of questions." He trailed off seemingly not ready to answer them yet.

"Dad, are you a ninja?" I asked.

He nodded. "I was. I am. Although the last few years I had tried to forget some of the things I had been taught."

"What about me?" I held my breath not wanting to know. "Am I?"

"You will be, Ren," he said slowly.

My eyes narrowed angrily that he let Raphael win that argument. "What if I don't want to be?" I bit my lip remembering what Mike had said about mouthing off, but to my surprise my dad just shook his head.

"Neither of us has much of a choice, Son." He smiled. "It's not as bad as you think. But we both have a lot work to do to get caught up. Now, get dressed. It's time to go."

A few minutes later, Raphael pulled the door to the train open and jumped out. Uncle Mike followed and then lifted me down beside him. My dad followed. I heard crickets chirping nearby and the small moon offered little light in the darkened train yard.

"Where's April meeting us?" Dad asked.

"About a mile from here," Raphael answered. He walked off and the three of us followed behind. Michaelangelo was happily whistling as we plodded along. Suddenly, everyone froze, except me and I walked straight into Mike's back.

"What?' I asked quietly. I was silent. I couldn't hear anything. Even the crickets I heard earlier were quiet.

Raphael, Michaelangelo and my dad formed a circle with me in the center. Raphael pulled his weapons from his belt and I saw Mike did the same. Nunchucks. Cool. My dad had his hands curled into fists and the three of them circled around silently.

"We're surrounded," Raphael said.

"Oh shit," I whispered just before the silence was shattered and all hell broke loose.


	6. The first battle

"Leo! Catch!" I heard Uncle Mike yell and something went sailing over my head and landed in my dad's hand. I didn't hear anything else because the swarm of black clothed ninjas descended on us. The three of them tore off their coats and the fight began. 

"Get down!" Raphael shouted at me and pushed me to the ground. Jeez, you would think he would've given me the chance to do it on my own. I kept low, but I couldn't resist looking up to see what was going on.

The three of them fought back to back trying to keep me in the center. I watched Raphael and realized just how sharp those things he had really were. I could just make out the grimace on his face and he seemed to actually be enjoying himself as he cut through three guys in one motion.

I averted my eyes and saw that Michaelangelo was being knocked back by four attackers at one time. They came at him with long sticks and swords, but Mike just grinned and with one nunchuck had them disarmed before I could blink. Not discouraged they attacked him with their bare hands. Idiots.

My dad seemed to be having a harder time of it. He used the nunchuck Uncle Mike tossed at him to block a sword that was ready to cut him down the center. He struggled with the guy for a minute before using a well- placed kick to send him to the ground. I watched as another came up to him from a blind side. Dad never saw him.

"Dad!" I screamed. "Look out!"

My dad spun and saved himself a fatal blow. The blade only caught his shoulder and then the man fell, a throwing star imbedded in his forehead. I turned and was able to see Raphael smirk a little before continuing his fight.

Suddenly, lights blinded me and a roaring sound filled my ears. "Come on." I felt Uncle Mike's hands grabbing me and practically throwing me forward onto something soft. The three of them fell on top of me.

"Go!" Raphael yelled.

I blinked the light spots away and saw that we were in a car. And at Raphael's command it sped off away from the battle.

We untangled ourselves and Dad pulled me closer to him. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head but noticed the thin line of blood seeping from his shoulder.

"Let me take a look at that, Leo," Uncle Mike said.

My father brushed him off. "It's fine, Mike. I'll put something on it later." He shook his head. "Stupid. Should've seen him coming. If it hadn't been for Ren..."

"Your sorry ass would've been dead," Raphael finished for him. "When was the last time you actually practiced, Leo? Thought you would've at least kept in some shape to doTaki's dirty work."

"Hey, April. Thanks for the rescue." Mike called out in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

I finally noticed the driver of the car. It was a woman with short brown hair and a cheerful smile. She chuckled. "Yeah, just don't make it a habit." April adjusted the mirror so that she could see my father. "How have you been, Leo?"

Dad made an attempt at a smile. "Fine, April. It's good to see you again."

She tilted the mirror and her gaze fell on me. "Leo, he looks just like you!"

At that my dad actually laughed. "I never had hair April."

"And Leo was an ugly child," Uncle Mike added. "Not like Ren."

Raphael snorted at that and I glared at him. "Creep," I muttered under my breath.

It was quiet for a moment and then, "How's Splinter, April?" Mike asked and I saw my father tense up.

She kept her eyes on the road. "He's still down, Mike. Donny's with him and actually got him to eat a little this afternoon. He was sleeping when I left."

There was silence in the car for a few minutes before I asked. "Who were those guys anyway?" I looked at my dad for an answer but he just stared straight ahead. His continuing secrecy was beginning to irritate me. Heck, if I just saved his life I deserved to at least know something. But before I could say anything I heard Raphael mumble something.

"What was that?" I asked.

My dad shot him a glare, but as usual Raphael ignored it and repeated. "Foot Clan."

"Foot Clan?" I repeated with a slight laugh. Dang, if they didn't want to tell me that was fine, but they didn't have to make stuff up.

"Your mother's esteemed family," Raphael continued and I realized he wasn't kidding.

"Shut up, Raphael," my dad warned.

Raphael continued to ignore him and looked outside the car window. "Our blood enemies."

Whoa, talk about family feuds. I looked at my dad in shock, but his face was bright red and if looks could kill, Raphael would be dead. It was no wonder Raphael hated my mother. My father chose her over his family. "Do you---fight with them---a lot?"

Mike looked down, and said softly. "Not so much anymore. Occasionally, if we run into each other. We have this kinda...cease fire." He glanced at my dad before looking away.

"Why do you hate each other so much?" I didn't know much about blood feuds-- especially between rival ninja families. It did remind me a little of "The Godfather" which I saw on TV a year or so ago. Only those guys used guns.

Before anyone could answer, my dad got fed up and yelled. "Ren, it's not important right now, so drop it!"

I looked at him surprised. He rarely yelled at me. And I can't ever remember him yelling when I didn't do anything wrong. I blinked back tears and looked down at my hands. I wasn't about to let Raphael see me cry just because I got scolded.

We rode in silence the rest of the way into the city. And man was it a city! I'd seen pictures and stuff of New York but nothing prepared me for the actual sight. Everything was lit up. And the buildings were taller then any I had ever seen before. I looked across Uncle Mike and out the window. How could so many live in one place? Every sidewalk was packed with people going here or there. I tensed. What if one of them was part of the Foot Clan? I didn't want to watch another bloody battle.

We pulled into a parking garage and April parked at the first available space.

"Ahhh, home sweet home," Mike said with a grin as we all climbed out. My father had turned and was talking to April about something so I took the opportunity to whisper to Mike, "If you fight with the Foot Clan again, will they try and take me?" This whole thing seemed like too much bloodshed for a mere custody battle.

Uncle Mike didn't answer for a minute, but he didn't have to. Standing nearby, Raphael had heard. "They don't want to take you, Miren." I turned to him. "They want to kill you."

I stood there shocked not quite sure how to respond to that. My father on the other hand had no problem. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but while my brain was processing my possible death, Dad had taken Raphael hard to the ground and put a knee on his chest.

"You never quit do you?" he growled. "I told you a million times, he's my son. He'll learn the truth from me. When I think he's ready and not before."

Raphael didn't try to move, but his eyes narrowed and he said angrily. "When Leo? When are you gonna tell him the truth? When someone's holding a blade at his throat and his mom's standing by smiling?"

My dad threw a punch toward Raphael's face, but it never landed. Raphael blocked it and twisted tossing my father to the floor and pinned him. I started forward, but Uncle Mike grabbed me and held me back.

"You are getting soft, Leo," Raphael mocked him. My dad'sscowled at him but didn't try to reverse his position again.

"Now is not the time, you guys," April said angrily folding her arms. "You haven't seen each other in almost ten years. Haven't you grown up by now?" She stormed away in a huff.

My father and Raphael glared at each other and ignored April. Raphael's voice dropped to a harsh whisper. "All those years growing up, Leo. You acted like you were so much better than the rest of us. SO much better than me. Splinter's number one son, the Fearless Leader, the chunin. But you walked out and the_ honor_ fell to me." He got up and dusted himself off. "April's right, Leo. Now isn't the time. Once and for all you and me will fight to see who the leader is, but not tonight. Tonight is Splinter's time. And I want a more worthy opponent."


	7. Meeting the Master

I glared at Raphael as he stalked past us. "You're a..." I couldn't complete my insult to him because Michaelangelo put his hand over my mouth and tapped me on the head. I looked up and saw him shaking his head silently in warning. With a frustrated sigh I squirmed away from him and went to kneel beside my father. The wound on his shoulder that had stopped bleeding, was now broke open again.

"Dad, are you ok?" I asked worriedly. He was just kind of sitting there on the ground with his fists clenched.

He didn't say anything. "Dad?" I prompted.

"Go with your Uncle Mike," he finally said quietly.

"But."

"Go!" he snapped without looking at me and for the second time in one day he yelled at me for just being worried about him. I watched him in shock for a few seconds until Michaelangelo came over and put his arm around me.

"Come on, Ren," he urged. "Your dad will be ok. He just needs a second. We're in 52b, Leo." I stood up reluctantly and he grinned. "You're gonna love my apartment. I've got more games and toys than FAO Schwartz."

I followed him, but I couldn't resist glancing back at my father who was still sitting on the ground looking completely alone. I didn't understand why he wouldn't let me help him. Maybe I didn't understand everything that was going on and maybe there were some things he didn't think I was ready to hear...but...I was his son. I never turned my back on him like his family did.

The three of us rode an elevator to Mike's floor. He took out his key but the door opened and at first I thought Raphael had opened the door. But this turtle was a little bit shorter and his expression was definitely softer than anything Raphael could manage.

"Hey, Mike," he said and then looked down at me. "And you must be Ren."

His voice was mellow and smooth. I had grown so used to Mike's energetic voice and Raphael's threatening one, that it was almost difficult to hear him.

"Ren," Uncle Mike said. "This is your Uncle Donatello." Donatello smiled at me and stepped to one side so that we could enter the apartment.

Donatello looked at Mike with a question in his eyes. "Leo will be up in a minute," Mike answered the unspoken question. He closed the door behind him.

Donatello nodded in understanding. A small smile came to his face. "That would explain why Raphael just stormed in here and grunted at me. He's with Sensei right now."

Mike took my coat and hung it up on a rack near the door. "Is Splinter awake?"

"Yes, he's been awake ever since Raphael called and said you were on your way back." Don led the way down a narrow hallway and I could hear voices behind one of the doors. He knocked and opened it slowly. "Master, Michaelangelo is here with someone who wants to meet you."

I knew he meant me and I backed into Uncle Mike. When did I ever say I wanted to meet him? He'd probably hate me as much if not more than Raphael did. I didn't hear what the reply was, but Don opened the door the rest of the way and Michaelangelo practically pushed me in.

I saw Raphael who was standing next to the bed glaring at me with his arms folded. Lying on the bed, propped up with three or four pillows was the most amazing sight I had ever seen. It was a rat. _He_ was a rat.From his position I couldn't tell how tall he was, but I guessed maybe a little shorter than Mike. His fur was a silvery gray color with patches of brown here and there. His dark, almost black, eyes locked with mine and I was afraid that he would be able to read straight into my heart and discover just how much I didn't want to be here.

"Come closer, Child," he said softly. His voice had a slight accent to it and sounded hoarse as if he had been screaming for days. "My eyes are not what they used to be."

For some reason I didn't believe that. I just knew his eyes could look into the soul of anyone. So I stayed where I was; frozen with fear. Raphael's jaw clenched in anger and Mike pushed me forward gently until I was standing right next to the bed.

The rat studied me curiously and I gulped wondering what flaw he was looking for.

"Ren," Mike said quietly. "This is Master Splinter."

I knew I was supposed to say something-- something respectful and dignified. I should offer my hand to him or bow or kneel, but for the life of me, my mind froze and I couldn't manage a single word or gesture.

"Ren," Splinter said. He couldn't quite pronounce the "R" in my name and it sounded a bit odd, but damned if I was gonna correct him. "You look as your father did at your age." He tilted his head and continued to study me. "Not in appearance, but your father always had the same terrified expression when he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. You are afraid of me, Child?"

My mind screamed at me to tell him no, but I found myself nodding and I glanced up at Raphael who looked like he was about to take me down again.

Splinter followed my gaze and said something in Japanese. Raphaelstartedto argue, but at the last second changed his mind and with a quick bow, left the room. Splinter glanced up at Mike and Don and repeated the order. I watched panicked as they too bowed and left the room.

The rat turned his eyes back to me. "Now, you may speak openly. Is it me your afraid of, or Raphael?"

I swallowed nervously, and my mouth felt incredible dry. "Both," I managed to squeak.

"Why do you fear us, Ren?" he asked gently. He held up a hand before I could answer. "More importantly, why do you fear me?"

I shrugged. "I don't know." I really wanted to run, but I knew Raphael was waiting on the other side of the door and I didn't want to run into him.

His eyes bore into me again and he chided gently, "You are not being entirely truthful, Child. You do know. Your father...?"

His stare was almost hypnotic and I nodded again. "He's afraid," I whispered. "I've never seen him so scared before."

"Do you know why he is afraid?" Splinter asked. He leaned forward a bit almost eager to hear the answer.

My voice was barely above a whisper. "He.made you angry. "

Splinter was quiet as if considering that. Finally he smiled softly. "Even if that were so, you did nothing, Ren. Please, do not be afraid of me." He sat up a little more and I noticed him wince a little as if the movement hurt him. But he continued. "I have been most eager to meet you. Raphael tells me that you will begin your training soon."

I shrugged. Not like I had been given a choice in the matter. "He hates me," I muttered and I watched Splinter's eyebrows raise slightly in response.

"Raphael is very selective about who and what he hates," Splinter said finally. "Hate is a very strong word."

Well, that didn't do much to convince me I wasn't hated. Although from Splinter's tone, I was almost certain he didn't think I was one of the things Raphael hated. I briefly wondered what Splinter would do or say to Raphael if I told him that he held his weapon at my throat. Then I wondered what Raphael would do to me if I told, so I kept my mouth shut. Besides why would Splinter take my side over his son's? He didn't owe me any kind of loyalty.

"Ren?"

I looked up suddenly and felt my face heat up. While I had been debating with myself, Splinter had been speaking, and I hadn't heard a word he said. "I'm sorry," I almost squeaked. "I wasn't listening."

To my relief, he smiled. " I was only saying that I hope you will keep me informed of your training."

There was a knock at the door that saved me from having to think of an answer to that. The door opened slightly and Uncle Mike looked in. "Excuse me for interrupting, Sensei." He looked at me for a second and then back to Splinter. "Leonardo is here."

I turned to Splinter to see his reaction, but if he had one, I missed it. He merely nodded. "Send him in please, Michaelangelo."

I didn't see Mike slip back out the door. I just kept watching Splinter trying to get some clue as to what was about to happen. No one told me to leave, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to stay. There was absolute silence in the room for about five minutes. I wondered what was taking my father so long. But just when I was sure he wasn't coming, there was a knock on the door. It opened and my father stepped in.

His face was as unreadable as Splinter's, but his eyes were aimed at the floor. He stayed in the doorway silently until Splinter spoke softly in Japanese to him. Dad walked in the rest of the way, but he still didn't say anything and he still wasn't looking up.

"Ren," Splinter said breaking the silence and startling me. "I am sure I will speak to you again soon."

It was an obvious dismissal and part of me was glad to get out of there. I nodded and walked around my father to the door. "I'll see you later, Dad."

I wasn't really expecting an answer and I didn't get one. He didn't even look at me as I stepped around him and walked out the door closing it behind me.


	8. Death before or after dishonor

((Thanks Rein and Ramica for the reviews. In all honesty I wasn't expecting much of a response for the revised chapters as there's not MUCH changed about them other than a sentence added or deleted here and there for clarity. There is one chapter...11...I think that will have a bit more important stuff in a convo between Splinter and Ren, but that's the most different thing of the revisions. Once the new chapters start, if I don't get much of a response, I may just zip off the last 7 or 8 chapters and email them privately to those who want to read the finish. Since it's been so long for this fic, I wouldn't blame people who fell off the interest wagon, although I've gotten four or five emails in the last few months demanding me to finish. ANYWAY...as long as a couple people are reading I have every intention of at least finishing it.))

I stood outside the room for a few moments after I closed the door, but I couldn't hear anyone talking.

"Hey, Ren," Michaelangelo said startling me. "Your call, little man. We've got the rest of the night to do whatever you want. I got movies, video games, board games, toys, comics. We can bribe Donnie into givin' us a chance at his computer." As he spoke I couldn't help but notice him ushering me away from the door. Guess whatever was about to happen in there was not for my ears.

We walked into the living room where Donatello sat at a desk studying something on a computer screen. He turned away from the monitor to look at us. "You don't need to bribe me. My computer is at your disposal, Ren. Provided you don't have your father's uncanny ability to crash it just by touching it."

Uncle Mike chuckled. "Man, the guy blows the thing up once and he's branded for life." He turned to me suddenly. "You hungry, Ren? I just realized you haven't eaten since yesterday." He didn't wait for me to answer but just did a U-turn and headed for the kitchen calling over his shoulder. "Dear brother Donnie didn't stock up while I was away, so supplies are rather limited."

I followed Mike and watched him rummage through cabinets muttering to himself. "Hmm...tuna, poptarts, potato chips, olives, cookies, marshmellows-- -here. How' bout some macaroni and cheese?" He filled a pot with water and set it on the stove to boil while I sat at the table tracing patterns on the white surface.

Mike sat across from me with a small grin. "So, was sensei everything you thought he would be?"

I didn't look up and mumbled. "I wasn't expecting anything. I just found out about the guy a few hours ago." I glanced up and saw Mike's expression. It wasn't a hurt look, but it was close enough to make me feel bad. He was obviously expecting a less scathing reply on my part. I sighed. "I dunno, Uncle Mike. No, I guess he isn't what I thought. He was almost---nice."

Mike grinned at that. "Sure he's nice. I mean---." He trailed off and sighed. "I wish I knew how to explain what's going on, Ren."

I shrugged. "You don't have to. I'm not an idiot. I can piece things together. My mother was a blood enemy. My dad chose her over his family. Splinter didn't like it. He disowned my father and now my father's here to...to I don't know. Beg Splinter's forgiveness before he dies, I guess."

My uncle didn't say anything. He just stood up and went to pour the macaroni into the water. Mike stirred it silently and I continued drawing on the table with my finger.

"Not so cut and dry, Miren."

I didn't have to turn to know Raphael had just walked into the kitchen. Wishful thinking. I had hoped he was gone. No such luck, because he sat down next to me with an arrogant grin.

Mike was mixing the cheese in with the macaroni. "Give it a rest for one night, Raph."

Raphael looked up and glared at him. I wouldn't have been surprised if Raphael tossed Mike into the oven for talking to him like that. But he just shrugged it off and stood up. "Go to bed when you're done eating, Miren. Practice is at 6 am tomorrow. Mike'll show you where. Get a good nights sleep and don't even think about being late." Raphael walked out without another word.

Mike served me some macaroni and slid in the chair Raphael had just vacated. I pushed the food around with my fork, feeling suddenly very nauseous.

"It won't be as bad as you're thinkin', Ren. "

I looked up at Mike's sympathetic face. When I didn't say anything he continued. "I'll be there. So will Donnie."

"So will Raphael," I muttered looking back down at the plate. "What happens if I don't show up?"

Uncle Mike looked at me with a frown but didn't answer. He didn't have to though. I could pretty much guess what would happen and the last thing I wanted was to cause more trouble for my father right now. I sighed. "I'm not very hungry, Uncle Mike. Can I just go to bed now?"

"Sure," Mike said standing up. "I can show you to the spare room." As I followed him down the hall, he started babbling. "Glad I got an apartment with some extra rooms. Used to be just me. When Splinter got sick the first time, him and Raph moved in. Donnie lives in a farmhouse upstate usually, but he's been staying here the last few weeks."

I wondered exactly how Mike supported all these people without being able to go out and get a job, but I didn't think it would be polite to ask. Michaelangelo opened one of the doors and I walked in. It was a lot smaller than the room Splinter was in. There was a dresser and a twin bed. Other than that the room was pretty much empty.

Mike motioned to the dresser. "There's some big tee-shirts in there that should be long enough for you to wear to bed. Casey gave them to you. April will bring over some clothes in the morning. Your dad didn't bring much of yours."

I nodded. "My dad sleeping in here too?"

Mike rubbed his head. "I'm not sure, Ren. I doubt your dad will sleep much at all tonight. But my room is next to this one, if you need anything. Donnie usually stays in Splinter's room and Raph sleeps on the couch."

I made a mental note to avoid the living room at all costs. "Ok..thanks. Good night, Uncle Mike."

Michaelangelo paused as if there were something else he should do or say, but he didn't know what. Finally he just nodded. "Night, Ren. See ya in the morning." He walked out and closed the door.

After he left, I stood in the middle of the room debating what to do. I thought about putting on one of the shirts, but in the end I just fell onto the bed. Feeling more alone than I ever had before I drifted off to sleep.

_I was running. I wasn't sure where or why, but I was running as fast as I possibly could. The funny thing was, I didn't seem to be getting anywhere. I heard footsteps following me and they seemed to be getting closer. Suddenly, I was standing right in front of my father._

_"Dad," I gasped. "You gotta help me. Someone's---"_

_He picked me up and his mouth twisted into a snarl. "You should have never been born."_

_"Told ya, Miren."_

_I turned and Raphael was standing there with that weapon of his, smirking. "Your dad's got enough to worry about without having your spoiled ass around all the time. We can fix that though. Right Leo?"_

_My dad grinned. "Right." He dropped me to the floor and looked up._

_From my seat on the floor, I followed my dad's gaze. Those ninjas that attacked us before. The Foot. There were thousands of them swarming around me. "Dad!" I cried._

_He laughed. "Kill him." And walked away with Raphael leaving me alone as the ninjas all jumped at once._

I choked back a scream and sat up in the bed, bathed in sweat. I was breathing hard and my throat felt like it was on fire. Falling back onto the pillow, I tried to calm down a little. "It was a dream, Ren," I whispered. "Just a dream. You're not a frickin psychic. Your dreams don't come true." I ran a shaky hand through my hair and got up.

I opened the door a little. The lights were all out which means everyone must've gone to bed. I eased my way down the hall heading to the kitchen for a drink of water to ease my burning throat. . As I neared the door, I heard voices. Crouching down near the door I listened quietly.

"Didn't say much to you huh?" Uncle Mike asked.

There was a few moments of silence and then I heard the answer. "Barely spoke a word."

My eyes widened as I realized that was my father. Pressing further against the wall I waited to hear what happened with Splinter.

My dad sighed. "I begged for his forgiveness. Told him how wrong I was not to believe him when he told me Taki wasn't to be trusted. I explained everything! Everything that I was too ashamed to explain ten years ago. After that I was trapped, Mike. After he was born, it was too late."

"We would have helped, Leo," Mike said quietly. "You never asked."

My dad laughed sadly. "I couldn't, Mike. How could I? Splinter had already disowned me. I had no honor. Have no honor. I only came back because I have no other choice now. They will kill him. No matter what I do. I could try to protect him myself, but he is so much safer here with everyone." There was another few moments of silence before my dad continued. "It's always been about protecting, Ren, Mike. I gave up everything to make sure he was safe. Almost everything."

"Leo-" Uncle Mike began, but my dad cut him off.

"Mike. Ren likes you. He seems to trust you. Please...please tell me you'll look after him."

Look after me? What was going on?

"Leo, you can't do this," Mike said sounding desperate.

"It's the only way, Mike," Dad insisted. "My life in exchange for Ren's. I can die with honor and Ren will be under the clan's protection until he can protect himself. Mike, Splinter won't talk to me. He's not going to just forgive me. I know what it takes to redeem myself and I will gladly do it. I would have done it ten years ago, if not for my son."

I froze, my mouth hanging open. What was going on? My dad sounded like he was about to put a gun to his head

"Leo," Mike began. "You can't honestly think Splinter would turn you and Ren away if you didn't give some kind of sacrifice."

"No. I don't think he would. But that doesn't make a difference, Mike. I know what he thinks of me. I know what I think of myself. This is something I have to do."

I couldn't believe it. He was talking about killing himself. His life for mine. Is that what it took to be part of this clan? If it was, I didn't want any part of it and I would tell Splinter that myself. To hell with him if his "legacy" leaves no room for forgiveness. Lack of sleep making me feel braver than I actually was, I stood. But my heart suddenly dropped as I turned to stare right into the chest of Raphael.


	9. Welcome to my life

(This chapter gets pretty long but that's only because Leo gets a little long winded here. Most everyone figured out everything he's going to say by now, but remember Ren is only 9 so he kinda needed Leo to lay it all out for him. For those of you who have said Leo would never go against his master like this, I give you two things. One: Leo may have tried to be the perfect son but when love presents itself to you, even if it indeed turns out to be a lie, you just have to go for it. And Two: I dare say that as a parent Leo would do anything and I mean _anything _to protect his son. And no Rein...I would never kill off Leo...at least not without good reason))

I couldn't have said a word if I wanted to-not that I had a clue what to say in the first place. I just stared up at him waiting for him to end my life. But Raphael didn't say a word either. He just grabbed the back of my shirt collar, spun me around and half carried, half dragged me into the kitchen. Mike and my dad both looked up as Raph dropped me at my dad's feet.

"I can believe that your senses have been dulled to shit, Leo," Raphael said coldly and then glared at Mike. "But how the hell didn't you know he was out there?"

Mike muttered something I couldn't hear but my dad just looked at him in shock. "What did you say?" Dad demanded.

Mike sighed. "I said I knew he was out there."

That simple confession stunned everyone in the room into silence. Dad was the first to find his voice but when he started to speak, he still didn't know what to say. He sounded betrayed. "Mike."

"Don't Leo, "Mike interrupted sounding more serious than I had ever heard him. He sounded almost angry. "Yeah, I know. Death before dishonor and all that, but I don't wanna lose my brother when I just got him back. And besides that, Ren needs you. If you're not gonna listen to me, maybe you'll listen to him."

Again my dad was speechless but from my spot on the floor I was getting frustrated and scared. If we stayed here much longer, I knew that my dad was going to die and I would be alone. Denial is a wonderful thing. I forced myself to believe that the only reason our lives were in danger was because we had run away. If we just went back, everything would return to normal. "Dad, let's just go home," I pleaded. "Mom'll forgive us. And she'll get those guys to back off."

I heard Raphael growl a little. I looked up at him, but he wasn't glaring at me, he was glaring at my dad. "Tell him," he ordered. "Tell him now. Tell him everything."

My dad hesitated and I stood up. "I don't care!" I yelled and for the first time since this whole thing started I really didn't. And I didn't even pay attention when my father stood up and warned me to keep my voice down.

"I just wanna go home. I don't care about what happened before I was born. I don't care about any blood feud or ninja war. And I sure the hell don't care about Splinter and whatever stupid training that you're trying to shove down my throat." As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I went too far. I wasn't about to look at Raphael, but I saw Mike wince as if someone had hit him and my dad's face darkened in anger. I cringed and closed my eyes certain that he was going to slap me in the face for the first time in my life.

But the blow never came. I opened my eyes and was shocked to see Raphael with a grip on my dad's wrist. Their eyes were locked in a silent battle and for a few moments neither one moved. Then, Raphael spoke slowly and dangerously. I watched them not understanding what was said and I vowed to learn Japanese one day soon. Whatever Raphael said came like a physical blow to my father and he flinched before he looked away.

Through all this I was trying to figure out why Raphael had protected me. He never showed me any kind of sympathy before, why should he care now if my dad slapped me. Even I knew I would have deserved it. Maybe he didn't believe in hitting kids. But pinning them to the ground with a dagger was ok. Yeah, just the kind of screwed up logic I would expect from Raphael.

Raphael finally let go of his wrist. "6 am, Leo. I'm sure you remember where the dojo is, even if you don't remember what it's for. If you're still alive tomorrow, you better damn well be there. And don't bother thanking me. It sure the hell wasn't my idea." He turned and stormed out of the kitchen without another word.

Mike stood up and whispered. "It may not be absolution, Leo, but it's a start. I'll see ya in the morning. Night Ren" He walked out leaving my father and me alone. He was staring out the door with a confused expression, but he said nothing.

I looked down at the floor wondering what was going to happen now that Raphael and Mike had left. "I'm sorry," I muttered deciding to break the silence. Better to say it now and maybe just maybe shorten the lecture a little. Once my dad got started he never seemed to quit. It was already the middle of the night and I had no desire to stand here until dawn.

There was silence again before I heard my dad sigh heavily. "Sit down, Ren."

I sat down reluctantly and drew circles with my finger on the table. Dad sat next to me. "It's ok, Ren. Please look at me. I promise, I'm not angry."

I looked up at him hesitantly and was surprised that he didn't look angry. He just looked tired and very unhappy. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes and I blinked to clear them. There was never a time in my life that I felt my father wasn't there for me if I needed him. There was never a time I even imagined that he would abandon me. "Why?" I choked out. "And don't tell me I wouldn't understand. Cause I already know I don't."

My father looked away. "I know. I'm sorry you heard that, Ren."

I was beyond shocked. "You're sorry I heard, but not sorry you said it, right? You were gonna go and kill yourself and leave me with people who you know don't like me?" I waited for him to argue with me that no one likes me, but he didn't. I knew it wasn't true and so did he. And even if it was true, that wasn't the point.

"Well, I won't," I continued almost defiantly. When he didn't stop me I kept going. "I won't stay here. They can't watch me every second. I'll run away and find mom. I bet she'd never abandon me." I didn't know if I would have the nerve to carry through with that threat, but the stunned look he gave me was all I needed to know I convinced him that it was a possibility.

He shook his head. "You don't know what you're saying. Good god Raphael was right." He knelt down in front of me and gripped my arms. Almost desperately, he said. "You have every right to be angry for what you heard, but you can't..." He broke off and looked away. When he met my eyes again, he was more in control. "I give you my word, Ren, that I will not abandon you. Your life has always been worth my honor." His voice grew stern and his expression hardened. "But you have to give me your word, that you will never threaten me like that again. No matter what."

I studied him for a moment. I'd have promised him my right arm to get him to stop looking at me like that. But I was still so confused. Honor? I didn't get it. I'd heard that word more in the last couple of days than I had in my whole life. I thought I knew what it meant. But my definition of the word was nothing to kill yourself over. I filed it away as one more "clan thing" that I would learn eventually. "I promise," I said finally.

My father sighed and smiled a little. "Thank you." And before I could say anything, he stood up. "Come on, get your coat and shoes. We're going for a walk."

We went back down through the parking garage and out into the street. I followed my father closely still remembering Raphael's words. They don't wanna take you, they wanna kill you. I wasn't quite sure I believed that statement, considering the source. I wasn't about to take anything Raphael said at face value, but those guys from earlier this evening sure were plenty ticked off. I didn't want to take chances right now.

"Where are we going, Dad?" I asked. He didn't answer. He just raised his finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet and lead me into an alley. I looked around, half expecting one of the dark shadows to jump out at us. Even with Raphael there, I was beginning to think I would be safer in the apartment. I was about to ask my dad if we could go back, but he was kneeling on the ground taking a cover from a manhole.

"What.?" I began.

He cut me off. "There's a ladder here," he whispered. "Take it to the bottom and wait for me." More than a little puzzled, I did what he asked and went into the sewers. The smell was overwhelming and I had to put a hand over my mouth and nose. Nevertheless, I couldn't keep from gagging. I looked up for my father and saw him start to climb down the ladder. He pulled the lid back into place and dropped down beside me.

He took my hand and we walked down the tunnel. "Dad," I gasped, trying to keep the smell from making me throw up. "Where are we going? Why are we in a sewer?"

My dad kept his voice low, but his words seemed to echo off the walls. "It happened almost thirty years ago. Across town in a small apartment, a Japanese immigrant and his wife were killed." He glanced at me, and I could tell he was checking my reaction. I don't know if he was surprised, but that bit of news didn't really phase me. I'd seen news reports almost everyday about people being killed. Why should I be shocked that these people were killed? It happened twenty years before I was even born.

Dad faced forward again and continued. "The immigrant's name was Yoshi and he brought his wife and pet here to America to escape a feud between his family and another. But the only one to escape was his pet. A rat named Splinter."

Now came my shock. This wasn't just a story to pass some time while we walked. He was finally answering some questions and he was starting at the beginning. I couldn't count the number of times in my life I asked my dad where he came from. But the question was always answered the same way. He was raised in New York. Anything else was either unimportant or had to wait until I was older.

I waited for my dad to continue, but he stopped walking and stood facing a wall. It didn't look any different than the rest of the walls of the tunnel, but he ran a finger down on spot and pulled open a very carefully camouflaged door. He stepped through the door and I followed.

It was like walking from one world into another as I stood in the middle of someone's living room. The couch across the room was old and worn, but it was clean and looked fairly comfortable. There was a coffee table and an end table next to the couch. A television sat in the corner. I turned to my dad. "What is this place?"

He had a faraway look in his eyes and the slightest hint of a smile. "This is where I used to live," he said quietly. "With your uncles and Splinter."

I looked around the room again. Small pictures hung on the wall as well as scrolls with Japanese writing on them. "You grew up here? In the sewer?"

My dad nodded a little. "Yeah, well, we came here to live when I was about fourteen. There's another lair a few miles away, but we had to leave that one when it was discovered. You see, Ren, when Splinter first found us we were all ordinary turtles, and some kind of.substance mutated all of us. But we were still so different from the human world. We had no choice but to live underground."

His arm circled around my shoulder and drew me closer to him. "Here, let me show you something." He led me over to the coffee table and flipped it over gently. His hand brushed against the wood a little as he pointed something out. "We brought this table from the old lair. One of the few things that actually survived the battle."

I looked where he was pointing and saw the names of he and his brothers carefully carved into the wood. Dad chuckled. "See, Mike's name's first. He did it the very same day he learned to spell his name. And when the rest of us found out, we went ahead and carved our names. That way, no one could ever tell on the others." He righted the coffee table. "Splinter never did find out about it. It was like...our secret. Something that bonded us together." He laughed again. "It's not much now, but when we were five it was a big deal."

My dad's smile was infectious and I couldn't help but grin back at him. I'd never seen him act like this before. It was like he was a kid again. And for the first time, I was beginning to realize just what my dad's life must've been like when he was growing up. I looked down at his hands and then at mine. I had lived with it my whole life, but I was really seeing how different he and I were. I was able to walk outside without having to hide myself. I went to school. I had friends. All my father ever had was his brothers and Splinter. But then one day, he didn't have them.

As if he was reading my mind, my dad sighed heavily. He turned and walked down a small hallway. He didn't ask me to follow, but I did anyway, curious as to where he was going. At the end of the hallway was a big open room. My dad stood at the doorway, but didn't walk in. I stood beside him, and knew instantly what this room was. It was where they practiced. What did Raphael call it.a dojo?

"Oroku Saki was the man who killed Yoshi and his wife," my dad whispered. "We spent our whole lives training for the day we could avenge his death."

I kept my voice low to match his, but also to hide my shock. "You killed someone?" And then I remembered the fight before we came here. I was so scared at the time that I really hadn't considered it. I knew for a fact that some of those guys who attacked us were dead. They were killed by my father's hands as well as by my uncles'. For the first time, I was beginning to realize just how serious this whole blood feud was and just what kind of training that I was going to start in the morning. I wasn't sure I was ready to take someone's life, even defending my own.

"Yoshi and Shen were avenged," my dad said in answer to my question. I looked up at him. "But Saki's clan still remains." He closed his eyes as if he were in pain and exhaled slowly opening them again. "I was seventeen"

I looked up at him confused. I wasn't sure I heard right and even if I had, I didn't know what that had to do with anything. "What?"

He walked behind me and pulled me in towards his chest resting his chin on top of my head. We continued to look into the dojo, neither of us really focusing on the room. "I met your mom when I was seventeen. By the time I found out that her family had ties to the Foot Clan, I was already..." He chuckled a little but it sounded more sarcastic and nothing like the laughter from a few minutes before. "...deeply in love with her and I just didn't care. I had this Romeo and Juliet notion. I just thought..." He shook his head. "You will understand when you are older. Loneliness is a terrible thing and when someone comes along...well...sometimes you become blind to the obvious."

I kept my eyes on the room in front of me as I asked. "Did she love you so much too? That she just didn't care?" Somewhere deep inside, I suspected the answer before I even asked. All the conversations I had half heard and pieced together, my parent's relationship over the years---they all told me exactly what I needed to know. But I didn't want to see it. My world was already turned upside down in a matter of days. I didn't want to hear the horrible truth about my mother.

But my father was determined that I finally know and I heard his whispered response. "No, Ren. She was just using me. I'm not sure if they just wanted me to work for them...or if they got some sort of satisfaction from taking..." He sighed and kissed the top of my head gently. "But I wouldn't let them hurt my child."

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. My entire existence boiled down to nothing more than the bait for my mother to snare my father. How wonderful for me. And I couldn't help but wonder, why in the world my father felt it necessary to make me feel so worthless by telling me this. But even as I wondered, the answer hit me. I needed to choose sides. Just me suggesting that I wanted to go home was enough to scare my father into telling me what he tried so hard to keep from me. I wasn't some kid whose parents were about to get divorced. I was some kid whose parents were about to do battle. Over what? Some immigrant and his wife? And now twenty years later, here I stood, the next generation in a feud that I had no desire to be a part of. And what was worse is that I had a connection to both sides.

I felt the tears sting my eyes as I considered the relationship I had with my mother all these years. She wasn't exactly warm and loving. Actually, she was pretty reserved most of the time, but I never felt unloved. She was never mean or cruel to me. I just couldn't believe, even now, that I had been used by her. I couldn't believe that she used my father. There were two sides to every story and there _had_ to be more to this one.


	10. Respecting Raphael

((I understand what you're saying Rein and I'll take your advice to heart as always. I honestly never thought of it in the way you said. In any case, there are three more old chapters, counting this one, before the new ones start. So not much longer. Thanks to all for reading this lil pain in the butt fic of mine. Hope everyone is enjoying it...and yes Raph is not being very nice. He has his reasons of course, as always.))

I rolled over in bed, expecting to find my father there, but the side where he fell asleep was empty. We didn't speak to each other as we left the sewers last night. I don't think there was anything either of us could have said to help the other anyway. We returned to the quiet apartment and went to bed immediately, which was why I was surprised he wasn't there in the morning. I never heard him leave.

I got up and found a change of clothes sitting on the dresser. Dressing quickly, I headed into the hallway vaguely wondering what time it was. However, since the blinds and the curtains were closed tight on all the windows, I didn't even know if the sun had risen yet. Raphael had made it sound like a death wish to be late for practice and I knew that was at six. But Michaelangelo was supposed to have taken me, so I figured he would wake me up. I walked into the living room, and found Donatello at the computer desk. He looked up as I entered and smiled.

"Morning, Ren." He stood, stretching. "Would you like breakfast?"

I shook my head taking a quick glance at the clock on the VCR in the corner. Only 5:30. What in the world was I doing up at such an ungodly hour? I thought of the practice that was supposed to start in half an hour and my stomach started doing somersaults. I didn't even want to think about eating. "Umm..where is everyone?"

Don sat back down in the chair and spun it to face me. "Mike and Raph already went to the dojo and your dad is with Splinter. April called and she's running a bit late, but as soon as she gets here to be with Sensei, we'll go on down to the lair." He looked down and then back up at me. "We have to go underground, just to let you know."

I nodded, trying not to gag at the memory of the sewers. "My father took me last night."

Donatello looked surprised. "He took you to the lair? Why?"

Good question, I thought. To make my nightmare of a life not seem so bad? I shrugged in answer to the question and sat down on the couch. "Why don't you guys live down there anymore?" I knew that Raphael and Splinter lived up here with Mike and that Donatello lived on a farm somewhere.

Don laughed a little at that. "Mike's apartment sure beats the sewers. It's cleaner and warmer and that's what Sensei needs." Don leaned back in his chair. "Mike and I started working together to design websites a couple of years ago. He does the creative part and I do the technical. We make pretty good money that way. Enough to support ourselves for the most part. And Mike does a little free lance writing on the side too."

Well, that answered that question. "But, Mike said that you have a farm upstate."

"The farm isn't mine really. It belongs to a friend of ours. But I stay up there to get away from the city. It's quiet and secluded. I don't have to hide out in an apartment all the time. But when Splinter got pneumonia a couple of weeks ago, I came back to help out."

I thought about that for a minute. I remembered Raphael saying that Splinter was dying. Thinking about what I saw of Splinter yesterday, he sure didn't look to me like someone on his deathbed. "Is Splinter really sick?" I couldn't bring myself to ask if he was dying, but I think Don knew what I meant anyway. "He seemed fine yesterday."

A shadow passed over Don's eyes quickly and he looked away. "Sensei has a very strong will." He cleared his throat and looked back up at me about to say something else, but a knock on the door interrupted him. He turned towards the door and called out, "It's open, April."

I wondered how he knew who it was. The door opened and the woman from yesterday stepped in carrying a paper bag. "I'm sorry I'm late." She hung up her coat and flashed a smile at me. "Good morning, Ren. I brought you some clothes. I hope they fit you ok."

"Good morning, April," Donatello said loudly with a smile. "I can see who the important person around here is now."

April half turned and grinned before turning and setting the bag beside me. "Did you eat breakfast yet, Ren?"

The motherly question surprised me considering she was almost a complete stranger and I felt a bit of resentment for some reason. I fought it back determined to be polite. Yawning, I shook my head and was startled when April turned on Donatello. "Donatello! You didn't get the boy any breakfast?"

I could hear the smile in her voice, but it was partially hidden by her outrage and I couldn't help but laugh at Don's protestation of innocence. "I offered and he refused, April! Tell her Ren."

I looked from one to the other not answering for a moment before finally deciding to help my uncle off the hook. "He did. I'm just not hungry."

She glanced back at him with a "you're lucky" look and headed for the kitchen. "Is Splinter awake yet?"

"Yeah," Donatello answered. "For about an hour now. He didn't want anything to eat either." Don laughed lightly. "Guess no one trusts my cooking."

April came back into the room with a steaming cup. "I'll see if I can get him to eat some toast or something later." She sipped the cup and made a face. "Gah! Donnie this stuff is poison. How can you drink it like this?"

He grinned and stood up. "I'm going to get Leo. Get ready to go Ren."

I stood woodenly as Donatello left the room. I went to the rack to get my coat and wondered how far I would get if I just ran for the door now.

"Ren, are you sure you don't want something to eat?" April asked sipping the "poison" again. "You may be down there awhile. Sometimes they don't know when to quit."

I shook my head, biting my lip and turned away before she could see the look of fear that was starting to creep up on me. But I turned too late. "Ren? Are you ok?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and it took every bit of will I had to not shrug it off and remind this woman that I barely knew her.

"Fine," I said as firmly as I could without looking at her. "Just fine."

"What's wrong with Ren?" I heard Donatello ask.

I turned and saw him and my father standing in the hallway. My eyes locked with my fathers and I had to look away from the emotions I saw there. He felt sorry for me. He knew what was wrong and he pitied me. Damn him! I didn't need his pity. And Donatello, who clearly wanted an answer to his question asked, "What's wrong, Ren?"

"Nothin," I mumbled. "I'm fine."

He looked at my dad and when he didn't offer any kind of explanation, Donatello shrugged. "Ok. I'll take your word for it." He and my father grabbed their coats. "We'll be a couple of hours April. Call if you need anything."

The trip down to the lair was fairly quiet. I wasn't in much a mood for talking and neither my father nor uncle tried to carry on a conversation. We walked through the door and I heard the sounds of a fight. I tensed about to run before I noticed that I was the only one nervous about it. When we got to the dojo, I realized why. It was Mike and Raphael fighting. I cringed at the force of the hits as they connected. This was what they were expecting me to do?

Donatello bowed and walked into the room, but my father and I hung back at the entrance. Raphael held up a hand and he and Mike stepped away from each other. They exchanged short bows and Mike stepped off the mat. He wandered over the far end of the room where he grabbed a water bottle and drank half the content before leaning against the wall. My father stepped hesitantly into the dojo and watched Raphael. I followed him careful to stay right behind him. The room was absolutely quiet and I wondered if talking was allowed in here.

Raphael looked over to Don and nodded once and then said something to my father in Japanese. Donatello stepped out onto the mat and with a deep breath my father went to join him.

"No weapons," Raphael directed. "Wouldn't want you to cut yourself Leo." He walked off the mat and almost without warning, Donatello attacked my father. I tried to watch them but Raphael started coming towards me blocking my view.

I swallowed hard as he stood in front of me and glared down at me. He inclined his head slightly in an almost abbreviated bow and I nervously copied the gesture. Raphael sighed angrily staring up at the ceiling and I think I heard Mike snicker quietly over in the corner. Raphael looked down at me with a fire in his eyes and ducked his head again in that slight bow. This time I didn't copy him, but I bowed deeply keeping my eyes right on him. I had no idea if that was the right thing to do but I sure the hell wasn't going to take my gaze from him.

"Listen real close Miren." Raphael said in a low voice. "I'm gonna tell you the rules here and you'd damn well better remember them. One, you're gonna train with me twice a day. Once at 6 am and then again at 6 PM. Let me warn you now. Don't. Ever. Be. Late. Two, you hate me and I could care less. But I gotta job to do and that means you listen to whatever I say. No questions. You got a question, save it. Understand?"

I nodded slowly.

His voice dropped even lower and his eyes narrowed. "The last thing Ren. I am your sensei. That means you give me respect. I know you got this smart ass kid thing down to a science, but you even THINK of disrespecting me in here and I will knock your smart ass through a wall. Got it?"

Why beat around the bush Raphael? Why don't you just make me sing songs to you? Or feed you grapes while waving a fan in front of you to keep you cool? I wished I had the nerve to say those things, but the walls in here looked hard. I had no desire to try going through one, so I swallowed my pride and nodded again.

Raphael smiled. "Good. This might be easier than I thought."

There was a loud thud and I looked around Raphael to see my father lying on the concrete floor just off the mat. He sat up slowly shaking his head, as if trying to clear it.

"Damn. Sorry Leo," Donatello said offering him a hand up.

My dad took the hand and got to his feet with a sigh. "It's ok, Donny." They went back out on the mat and started again.

I looked up at Raphael who was chuckling. "No concussions the first day, Donatello. Gotta remember, he's practically a rookie."

Ignorant as I was about this whole thing, even I could tell that was meant as an insult to my father. But dad ignored Raphael and so did Donatello. I wished I could, but he turned to me with a smirk. "Come on, Miren. Let's get started."


	11. Fortune Cookie Wisdom

I sank into one of the chairs in the kitchen and silently watched Michaelangelo bustle around for a few minutes. He walked over to me and slid a steaming cup my way before pulling up the chair next to me. 

"Hot chocolate," he explained. "With whipped cream and marshmallows. It always cheers me up." He grinned and picked up his own mug in a salute before sipping it.

I smiled in spite of myself and returned the gesture. "Thanks. I could use cheering up, I guess."

"Hmm, yeah I can tell." He set the cup down and studied my face. "You did fine, Ren. You know, it was your first day of practice."

"Wish someone would tell Raphael that," I muttered glaring into my cup.

Before Uncle Mike could say anything to that, my father walked in. He sniffed the air and grinned at his brother. "Did you save me some by any chance?"

Michaelangelo chuckled and pointed towards the stove. "Help yourself, Bro."

Dad poured himself a cupful and brought it to the table. We all sat in silence for a few moments. "You kept practicing while you were away huh Leo?" Mike asked finally.

My dad sputtered into his cup and looked at Mike with a sarcastic laugh. "How can you even think that after my performance this morning?"

Mike swirled the chocolate around for a moment before replying. "Ok, so you didn't practice A LOT. But, you weren't 'I haven't practiced in ten years' rusty either."

Dad glanced at me and then looked back to Mike. "Yeah, well, I kept in reasonably good shape. I didn't need all the heavy training for..." He trailed off and stared down at the table. "But, yeah, I practiced when I could." He laughed a little. "Raphael was pretty determined to show just how rusty I was though."

I'm glad I wasn't the only one ticked off at Raphael right now. My dad didn't seem the least bit phased by having his butt kicked up one side of the room and down the other. At least he didn't at the time. Now, though, I could tell just how much it really irritated him.

Mike looked up at my father. "It was real hard, Leo. For Raph more than any of us. I think it was harder on him than Splinter."

I wondered what Michaelangelo was talking about, but my dad seemed to know. He looked away from his brother and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Mike."

Uncle Mike continued as if my father hadn't even spoken. "He took off. Fora week right after you left, we didn't know where he was. Then one night, he walked in the door. Me and Donnie were sitting in the living room, but he just ignored us and went right to Splinter's room." Michaelangelo finished his drink in one gulp and set the mug down with a sigh. "About an hour later, he came out told me and Donnie to get our asses in the dojo and we practiced for the first time since you had gone. Was the longest four hours of my life."

Mike stood and took his cup to the sink. My father looked up to the ceiling with a sigh. "What can I do, Mike? I can't go back and change the past." He glanced at me. "And I wouldn't even if I could, so tell me Michaelangelo, what do I do?"

Michaelangelo kept his back to him. "I didn't tell you that to make you feel guilty, Leo. You don't seem to need any help in the department anyway. I just want you to realize that you're not the only one whose life spun out of control. And you're not the only one still trying to find where you fit in."

My dad didn't say anything to that. He just sipped as his drink quietly.

"Um.did I miss something?"

We all turned to Donatello who stood in the doorway with a worried expression. Mike smiled easily. "Only the hot chocolate. But I can make more if you want."

Don shook his head. "No, thanks." He looked down at me with a small smile. "Hey, Ren. Master Splinter is really anxious to talk to you. He wants to know how your first day of training went."

I stared at him for a minute. My first day of training had pretty much sucked. I hated it. I hated Raphael and I was on the verge of hating my father for getting me into this. "Tell him.." I began hesitantly. "It was ok."

Mike picked up my empty cup from the table. "You can tell him."

"No," I said quickly. Something about Splinter still didn't sit well with me and I really didn't want to talk to him. Especially about the hell I went through today at the hands of his son.

"Ren," my dad said quietly. "Go speak with your grandfather. Please."

I really wanted to tell my dad to go talk to him himself. But that would be a low blow since I knew that Splinter still wasn't speaking to him. I looked at my uncles, but neither one seemed to want to get involved in the conversation any more than they already had. Uncle Mike was rinsing the dishes and Donatello had walked over to start a pot of coffee. "Dad," I started. "I don't think."

He didn't let me finish. "Ren. He won't be around much longer. And..you will never get this chance again." He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them I saw the plea. "Go. Talk to him."

I hesitated for another minute before getting up. "Alright," I sighed. "I just don't know what to say."

My father shook his head with a smile. "That's ok. He usually does."

I nodded not quite understanding. But I left the kitchen and headed for Splinter's room. I paused outside the closed door before knocking. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe Donatello lied and he really didn't want to see me. Maybe Raphael was in there.

"Come in, Ren." The hoarse voice startled me. The door was closed. How the heck did he know I was out here? Cursing silently, I opened the door. He was sitting up in bed. He looked somehow thinner than yesterday, if that was possible. And more tired. But his eyes still had the same strength in them and they locked on mine once again. I scratched my head nervously. "Donatello...I mean.Uncle Don said you wanted to see me."

He raised one hand beckoning me to come in. "Hai. Please, come in."

I walked in slowly. Remembering Raphael's lesson in the dojo, I bowed deeply. When I looked up Splinter was smiling. "Raphael informed me that you did quite well today," he said.

I blinked and I think my jaw hit the floor at that simple statement. "Raphael...said...?" I choked.

"I take it Raphael did not tell you this himself?" Again I was drawn to Splinter's eyes and they held an emotion I couldn't place. I sighed inwardly. I would never figure him out.

I shook my head. "No. He didn't say much. Just.told me what to do. And then yelled at me for doing it wrong."

Splinter nodded slowly. Whether in approval or just to acknowledge my statement I wasn't sure. He was about to say something when a coughing fit suddenly seized him. I blinked not quite sure what to do. I noticed a pitcher of water sitting on the nightstand and I quickly poured him a glass.

The coughing past and I handed the glass to him. He smiled slightly. "Arigato gozaimasu."

I frowned not understanding, but I figured he was thanking me. "You're welcome. I think."

He chuckled. "Leonardo did not teach you Japanese."

It wasn't a question. It was pretty obvious I hadn't a clue how to speak the language. But I shook my head in answer. "No. He didn't." I shrugged. "I've picked up some words lately. Chunin. Iie. Hai. What does Miren mean?" I startled myself with the sudden question. I knew it was a play on my name. And I pretty much realized it was an insult. But not until that moment did I wonder what the joke at my expense was.

Splinter looked at me almost as startled by the question. He hesitated. "Why do you ask?" He set the empty cup back on the stand and regarded me with an almost saddened look.

"It's just something...Raph...I mean...Sensei calls me."

Splinter frowned at that. "Are you certain?"

I nodded puzzled. What the hell was Raphael calling me? "He's been calling me that since I met him. I don't think he's ever called me just Ren."

Splinter looked down thoughtfully. He was quiet for so long that I started to get scared. What if I had somehow insulted him? Or worse, insulted Raphael? Finally Splinter broke the silence. "Tell me about your mother, Ren."

I looked at him. I wasn't about to demand that he answer my question first. But I didn't know how to answer his either. "What-what do you want to know?"

"Did she treat you well?" Splinter folded his hands on his lap looking a bit concerned, although for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"Yeh. I guess so." I shrugged trying to look like I didn't care. "She wasn't around all that much. Her or Dad always seemed off on business."

"Business."Splinter echoed quietly. His eyes clouded over and he looked very sad. I realized why with a force that knocked the wind from me. The business must've had something to do with my mom's clan. My dad had been trapped into working for them. I was pretty certain I didn't want to know what kind of work they did.

"Is that why you're not talking to my dad?" I asked softly. Where I ever got the nerve to ask the question, I don't know. But it seemed like one that he should have to answer. I mean, if I was going to stay here with them, I at least had a right to know why they hated my father.

Splinter hesitated again. He gazed at me and then shook his head. "It is not that simple, Ren."

"You're mad at him for having me."

Splinter looked up at me quickly. "No."

"Then why?" I pressed trying to figure out who invaded my body and gave me such courage. I knew that if I angered or upset Splinter everyone would be on my ass and I would be lucky to escape with my life.

"There are many things that you are not ready to hear, Ren," he told me quietly. "I will tell you that that the forgiveness your father is seeking is not mine to give."

Sounded like fortune cookie stuff to me but I didn't say so. "Is it Raphael's? I mean, how can he get anyone's forgiveness if you won't talk to him and everyone else is mean to him?"

"What your father has done eats away at his heart and soul." Splinter said slowly. "The knowledge of his actions will give him no peace for in his mind his honor has been shattered."

More fortune cookie stuff. I sighed and looked away. Couldn't anyone in this family ever give a straight answer?

Splinter cleared his throat breaking the uneasy silence that followed. "Did you enjoy your first day of training?"

I looked up at him and shrugged slightly. "Not really," I answered honestly.

Splinter's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why is that?"

I begged myself not to say the first answer that came to mind. I bit my tongue, bit the inside of my cheek. I would have put both hands over my mouth if it wouldn't have been so obvious. Despite all that, I heard myself tell him, "There are things that you aren't ready to hear."

He blinked and stared at me in surprise until something drew his attention and he looked to the door. I didn't have to turn. I knew exactly who was there. I should have closed the door when I came in, but my idiotic self left it open. A hand fell on my shoulder and I looked up at Raphael.

Raphael bowed slightly. "Excuse us for a second, Master." He didn't wait for Splinter to respond, he just grabbed my arm and hauled me from the room. I didn't fight or struggle. I knew he was going to kill me and there was very little I could do about it. He opened the door to the room I had been using and pushed me inside letting go of my arm.

He closed the door and spun to me. "What the hell was that all about?"

There was nowhere to run. It was either stand and fight or go to my knees and beg for mercy. Neither option sounded appealing, but there was no way I was going to beg. "He didn't answer my questions. Why should I keep answering his?"

Raphael glared at me.

I sighed frustrated. "I am so sick of this. Don't ask questions. Don't speak unless spoken to. Respect. Honor. Clan. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel anymore."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Enough of the drama, Kid." He motioned to the bed. "Sit down."

I studied him carefully. I had expected something else. Why wasn't he trying to kill me? I sat down slowly still keeping my eyes on him as he paced the room rubbing his head. "Look, how old are you? Nine?"

I nodded silently wondering what he was getting at.

He stopped pacing and folded his arms looking at me. "By the time I was nine, I was able to defend myself against almost any human. I was learning and mastering techniques that I had been practicing since I was three years old. You couldn't fight off the average street hood throwing garbage at you."

"And that's my fault?" I demanded angrily.

" I'm not laying blame, Kid. It is what it is. You got six years of catchin up to do. And it's not gonna be easy. I don't have time to let you question every thing I tell you. I don't have time to take it easy and go slow. You got stuff to learn and you gotta learn it now. No games. This is life and death."

I frowned. I understood what he was saying. He was being a prick for my own good. But just because I understood it, didn't mean I had to like it.or agree with it. "I never said I wanted to learn any of this. Why is it...?" I didn't finish before I was hauled off the bed with my back to Raphael. He had one arm wrapped around my throat so that I could barely breathe.

"What are you going to do now, Miren? How are you going to get out of this with your life?" His voice nearly hissed in my ear.

I struggled a little trying to get a breath of air, but his grip tightened.

"This is about _**your**_ life," Raphael whispered. "Your dad wants it sugar coated, but screw that. They will kill you and they won't think twice about it. You're nothing to them but another enemy. Another _freak._ You wanna survive, you're gonna listen to everything I have to say. No questions asked."

I nodded still trying to pry his arm from around my throat.

He released me and I fell to the ground gasping. I flinched when he knelt down in front of me, but he looked at me with an expression I'd never seen on him before. It was almost...understanding and maybe a little fondness. "Trust me. I know all of this sucks, but it's the hand your were dealt. I spent half my life bitchin and moaning about it and it didn't get me anywhere." His face turned stern again. "Sorry, Miren, you don't have the luxury of being a carefree kid anymore. Welcome to the clan." He stood and walked out leaving me sitting there wishing that he had just killed me for being disrespectful to Splinter.


	12. Getting out

((Here it is folks. The last of the revised/reloaded chapters. Tomorrow begins anew.))

I watched the door quietly after Raphael had gone. I almost expected him to remember that I had insulted Splinter and come back to tear me into pieces. But minutes passed without so much as a knock on the door. I stood and walked over to the window. The curtains were drawn shut like every curtain or blind in the apartment. I was used to that. My dad kept the blinds closed in our old house too.

With a somewhat unsteady hand, I drew back the curtains and stared down on the streets of New York. The city was alive with activity. Buses, taxis and cars filled the streets taking the people to wherever it is that they were headed. I wondered if any of those people were members of the Foot Clan. Did those ninjas have everyday lives? Did they have families they went home to? A job outside of being killers? I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place. I was marked at the age of nine. I laughed slightly wondering if there was a reward out for me. "Wanted Dead or Alive. Nine year old half human/half turtle. Answers to the name of Ren or Miren." Whatever that meant.

I walked over to the bed and laid down feeling sorry for myself. My parents never gave into pouting, so pity parties were a rarity for me. It never accomplished anything. Not to say I wasn't prone to tantrums. They never accomplished much either as far as getting what I wanted but it helped to release some of the frustration. But right now, I couldn't think of anything better to do then lay on the bed and mope about my life and what it had become. I closed my eyes. Having to adjust to so much in such a short time, I felt somewhat justified.

The door slammed and I jumped a few feet into the air startled. I must have fallen asleep because I was so disoriented. I had no clue what was going on, but before I could even blink the sleep from my eyes, my father grabbed me and sat me up. "There's a bag in the closet. Grab some of the clothes April gave you. Quickly."

I shook my head in confusion. "What's going on?"

Dad opened the closet door. "Don't ask questions. Just do it." He tossed the bag to me and headed for the door.

I caught it midair and stared at it for a second before looking at him somewhat ashamed. "Did Splinter throw us out? Because of what I said?"

He turned with a surprised expression. "What?"

I fell silent. Obviously no one saw it necessary to tell my dad what had happened. Before I could think of an answer, he just shook his head. "We can talk about that later. But no one has thrown us out. We're relocating to the old lair."

My eyes went wide. "Why?"

"Hey Leo," Mike opened the door. "Raph said we're not waiting until night fall. We're all leaving now."

Dad turned. "Even Splinter? It's risky to take him out in broad daylight."

Mike shrugged. "Guess it's riskier to leave him here."

I hadn't even started packing yet. I just sat there and listened, trying to figure out what was going on.

My dad shook his head. "You guys really trust this source you have?"

"Mike. You were s'posed to get Leo and Ren and come right back to the living room. Not take fuckin' twenty minutes bullshitting." Raphael walked into the room and glared at my father. "And no Leo, I don't_trust_ anyone. But he's always been right before." He turned to me. "And unless you wanna start running around nekkid, Kid, get some clothes in that bag and stop sittin' around."

I carried the bag to the dresser and started stuffing things inside while still listening.

"Raph," Dad began almost hesitantly. "If you take Splinter out now, and we get attacked..."

"We stay here, we do get attacked," Raphael interrupted.

My eyes followed their debate like a tennis match. My dad was actually arguing with Raphael. Well---not arguing exactly, but he was questioning Raph's decision. I wondered if that was allowed. For some reason I thought that the leader's decision should never be questioned.

"You just said that you don't trust this source. What if---?"

My father got no further than that. Raphael cut him off. "Shut the hell up Leo. It's my fuckin decision. I say we go. You don't like it, stay here and get your ass kicked."

Dad sighed and closed his eyes. His fists clenched but he didn't say anything else.

"Mike, go with Donnie and help get Splinter underground. Take the back way down. I'll wait and go with these two." Raph gestured slightly to me and my father.

Uncle Mike hesitated glancing from my father to Raphael silently. I watched my father's face turn a shade of red and he looked away. I stopped my packing. Mike hadn't said a word, but he, in some way, embarrassed my father. What was it? Did Mike give him a look I hadn't seen? I didn't think Uncle Mike would do something like that.

. "Don't worry about us Mikey. I can take care of it. You just get your ass movin' and take care of Splinter. We'll follow you in about ten minutes." Raphael looked away from my father, not even noticing his embarrassment.

Michaelangelo nodded. "Sorry, Leo," he muttered and walked away.

I swallowed hard and began packing again. Attacked. The Foot were coming. But it was daylight out. Would they really attack in the daylight where anyone could see them?

"You still not done?" Raphael demanded glaring at me. "You're just gonna have ta live with what you got. Zip it up and let's go."

I didn't even bother to argue. I had enough anyway. I zipped up the bag and stepped to my father's side. Raphael turned and we followed him down the hallway.

"The Foot Clan is coming, right?" I whispered to my father.

My dad took my hand. "We got a tip from someone inside the clan," he said quietly as we walked into the living room. It was empty. Uncle Mike and Don must have already left with Splinter. "There were plans to attack tonight."

"Because of me?" I asked.

Dad squeezed my hand but he didn't answer. He might as well have. Raphael wasn't shy about telling me how much the Foot wanted me dead. "But how did they find us?"

"Anyone ever tell you, you ask too many damn questions?" Raphael snapped. He looked out the window and then turned back with an angry scowl.

My father looked at him and sighed. "They've known for awhile, Ren. It was part of the bargain I made with them when I left with your mother. The only thing I wanted. The only---protection I could give my family."

Raphael growled. "You signed a truce with them. Something you had no goddamn right to do."

"I only did what I had to do, Raphael," Dad defended quietly. "The only thing I could do."

"Bullshit," Raphael said angrily.

"I don't want to argue about this right now, Raph." He sat down on the couch and pulled me down beside him.

Raphael glared at him for a full minute before sighing in frustration. "Fine." He looked out the window again and then back to us. "Let's go."

My father and Raphael dressed in their coats and pulled the hats down over their eyes. Sometimes, I was grateful for looking semi-normal. I just slipped on my jacket and a baseball hat.

Raphael paused at the door and turned to my father. "Just in case," he said. Raphael handed him one of those fork weapons and sighed. "Just don't fuckin lose it."

Dad smiled slightly as if that was some sort of inside joke and took the weapon. The walk to the elevator was uneventful even though Raphael's eyes kept darting from one corner of the hallway to the other. He looked like he was just waiting to be attacked. The elevator door closed behind us and we rode down in silence. I couldn't help but notice how Raphael shifted from one foot to the other. He drew the remaining weapon and clenched and unclenched his fist around it. The numbers dropped slowly as we got closer to the ground level.

The elevator bell chimed and the door had just started to open. Raphael jumped forward and grabbed my head pushing me down. "Geddown!" he yelled and spun to the side of the elevator car. I dropped to my knees as something went flying by my head. The elevator doors closed and we started upwards again.

My father pulled me to my feet and I looked behind me at the row of throwing stars imbedded in the wall. My eyes widened and I jumped involuntarily when the elevator chimed again. The doors opened and Raphael glanced out and then pulled me into the hallway. My father followed.

"What are we doing?" I whispered nervously. I wanted so badly to run back to the relative safety of the elevator.

Raphael's hand covered my mouth and he kept walking. He finally let me go and stopped near an apartment door. With some kind of tool from his belt, he knelt down next to the doorknob and popped the lock. He opened the door and we walked inside.

"Raphael," my father gasped quietly looking around the room. "Are you out of your mind? Someone lives here."

I backed into my father waiting to hear the sounds of someone coming.

Raphael walked the rest of the way into the apartment's living room. "No one lives here, Leo. It's a demo. And it's one of our escape routes." He went over to the window and looked out.

"Escape routes?" I asked looking at my father.

He nodded slowly studying Raphael. "You should always have more than one way to escape if possible."

"We've got six," Raphael muttered not looking at us. "The fire escape leads to the alley." He opened the window and climbed out. After a few seconds, he stuck his head back in. "Come on."

My father nudged me forward and I climbed out next to Raphael who didn't give me the chance to even steady myself on the shaking stairs. . "Keep moving," he ordered. I followed him slowly keeping a tight grip on the railing. I think we were a good ten floors up, but I didn't even want to risk looking down to check.

"Sonovabitch!" Raphael yelled suddenly. He grabbed me and before I could even blink, we were airborn. I wanted to scream. Lord knows I tried, but we hit the ground---or more accurately Raphael hit the ground and I landed on him. He stood up, just as my father landed beside him.

"Are you alright, Raph?" he asked worriedly.

Raphael clenched his teeth and stood back to back with my father. Once again, I was crouched on the ground in the center. I looked up and saw blood running down Raphael's leg and onto the pavement next to me. "I'll live," Raphael answered through gritted teeth. He circled keeping his back to me. I dared to look. But I knew even before I did. We were surrounded again.

Raphael glanced at my father. "Ready, Leo?"

Dad nodded. "Yes." I couldn't help but notice he didn't sound so sure of that.

Raphael leveled his weapon forward, his eyes narrowed. "Watch close, Miren. This is where the fun starts."


	13. Changes

((Well boys and girls. The long awaited…has it been 2 years…ending to the cliffhanger of the last chapter. Hope I don't disappoint. Thanks Rein and Ramica for encouraging me so much lately. Thanks to Sassy and a few others who helped to kick me in the right direction. )) 

Fun? He calls this fun? Personally, I have always thought Raphael was out of his mind. A few French Fries short of a Happy Meal. A sandwich short of a picnic basket. A….

They attacked and they attacked quickly. I couldn't even make sense of who was fighting who, but I could see the blood. I could smell it and for as long as I live I don't think I'd ever get that scent out of my nose. Raphael and my dad fought back to back trying to keep me between them while I covered my ears and tried not to watch the blood bath.

"REN!" I heard my father yell.

I looked up at him. The fight was moving away from me. In another few seconds, I was going to be left behind.

"Get up!" Raphael screamed at me. "Get up DAMMIT! Move!"

My father grabbed my arm and at the same time slashed two men with the fork thing in his other hand. He pushed me toward a manhole cover. "Go."

I blinked. "But…"

Raphael growled. "Don't argue. Shut yer mouth…" He kicked one of his opponents and spun stabbing another. "And go!"

I knelt down by the manhole trying to pry the lid loose. I yanked on it as hard as I could but it wouldn't move. My dad lifted it so easily last night, but this thing was heavy. I got a good grip on it and gave it a good tug. Nothing. Guess I needed to lift some of those weights in the dojo first.

I yelped as I got yanked back by my hair.

"No!" Raphael yelled. I saw him run toward me, but was blocked by about a dozen men. I struggled, kicking and screaming all the way trying to turn to face my attacker. Hair self defenses wasn't on Raphael's list of things to do in the dojo that morning. I'd have to make sure he added it to the lesson plan.

I spun ignoring the pain of my hair twisting and kicked the guy where I knew it would hurt. He was expecting that one and blocked me easily before tossing me over his shoulder. I pounded on his back. I screamed. I tried to bite him. Anything I thought would help but he just laughed at me.

"The little freak isn't worth all this trouble," he commented to someone nearby. "It would be easier to teach a lamb to fight."

I heard my dad yell my name, but he was surrounded as well.

Now if there's one thing I hate, it's to be made fun of or to be patronized. I felt a red hot anger burn deep inside of me even as I remembered one of Sensei's first lessons that morning. _No matter what happens, you gotta stay calm. You get overwhelmed and you're gonna die._

Stay calm. I could do that. The guy who had me started away from the battle. I was to be a prisoner. Were they going to take me to my mother? Maybe everyone was wrong about her. Maybe they lied to me, but why would my father lie? I had my own plans for finding out the truth but this guy didn't fit into them. I grabbed for the weapon on his belt. It looked kinda like one of those grim reaper things but a lot shorter. I got my hands on it and pulled. I stuck it in his shoulder before he could even react.. He yelled and dropped me as I glared at him defiantly holding his own weapon.

"I'm a turtle. NOT a lamb." I declared angrily.

He growled and before he could take that first step toward me, I dropped the weapon and ran. My momentary cockiness gone with the realization I hadn't a clue in America what to do with it. It wouldn't take long for him to catch me, I knew, and the only thing I could do was try to get back to Raphael and my dad.

I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see the guy chasing me fall. I blinked and before I could look where I was going, I ran into something solid. I screamed and kicked again.

Uncle Mike grabbed my flailing fists. "Ren, it's me." He yanked me off my feet and carried me over to the nearest manhole. "Go," he said yanking the lid off with ease. I didn't have to be told twice this time. I scrambled down the ladder as fast as I could.

I landed in a pool of nasty water, but for a miracle, I didn't notice. I gasped. "Uncle Mike, Dad and Raphael…they're…"

"Get goin Leo!" I heard Raphael order

"Stay here," Mike said and disappeared. I could hear the sounds of the battle as it made it's way closer to the manhole. Raphael shouted again.

"Leonardo, get your ass outta here before you get yerself killed and I AIN'T raisin' that kid of yours. NOW GO! That's a direct order."

My father dropped in the sewers beside me and he glanced back up at the surface. I heard a police siren off in the distance. My dad glanced down at me and grabbed me in a hug. "Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded against his chest quite willing to hang on for the rest of my natural life.

"Leo," Uncle Mike called down. "Raph's hurt. The Foot have taken off and the boys in blue are on the way."

Dad let go of me and looked back up to the surface. "Hurt? Is he alright?" He started back up the ladder.

"He's unconscious," Mike said. "You need to help me lower him down there."

Between the two of them, with my helpful directions like…"Move him this way." or "Slow down, it's slippery.", they got him into the sewers in under a minute. My eyes widened at the sight of him. He was covered in blood. I didn't think it was all his, but he was covered in it. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

"I'll carry him," Mike said to my dad.

Dad grabbed my hand and nodded. He took a step into the tunnel and then turned to Mike. With a voice I had never heard him use, he said. "I'll carry him, Mike. Why don't you take Ren on ahead and tell Donnie to get the first aid ready." He took Raphael from Mike's arms before Uncle Mike could say anything.

My uncle stared at my father for a only a fraction of a second. He nodded slowly and the faintest hint of a smile crossed his face. "Yessir. Let's go Ren." He took off running and I ran after him wondering just what the hell had happened now.


	14. To be ninja II

((Whew...new chapter. If there's anyone out there that has the time to be a beta reader...more someone to bonuce ideas off of than a proofreader, I'd be most appreciative. IF nothing else you can kick me until I write some. If anyone's interested in the job there is no pay, a grueling amount of nagging me involved, and putting up with my endless cycle of writing and then throwing chapters out the window because I hate them...so let me know))

It took every ounce of energy I had to keep up with Uncle Mike. Even still, by the time we made it back to their underground home, I was huffing and puffing trying to catch my breath.

"You really need to think about stopping the smoking, Ren," Mike said shaking his head a little as he ran into the living room. "DONNIE!"

I ignored the insult, somehow I didn't mind it so much coming from Uncle Mike. .Maybe that's because a knock to the head usually didn't follow it like from Raph. I was still trying to stop myself from hyperventilating when Don came in.

"Mike, Splinter just got to sleep. What…?"

Uncle Mike cut him off. "Get the infirmary ready."

Donatello's eyes widened a little. "Leo?" he ventured quietly.

I suppose that was a fair guess. Out of those missing, my dad was the less experienced fighter. Until I saw it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed anything could take Raphael down. He seemed too mean-spirited to get hurt. Wasn't there a saying "only the good die young"? I shook my head slightly trying to get rid of those thoughts. Even with all the torment I had suffered at the hands of my sensei, I couldn't wish…or even think of his dying. And until that moment I hadn't realized just how much I didn't want him to die.

Uncle Mike shook his head. "It's Raphael. Him and Leo got ambushed by the Foot."

My Uncle Don turned and headed back down the hallway. Mike grabbed my arm and pulled me to follow him. "This is all part of training, Ren," he said. "The real sucky part to be sure. The getting hurt part."

"Is…Raph gonna be ok?" I asked hesitantly looking at the floor.

I couldn't see my uncle's expression, but he was quiet for a moment. "Yeh," he said finally. "Raph's been banged up a lot worse than this before. He'll be ok."

We followed Donatello into a large open room. There were two beds in the middle of the floor and a small table to the side.

"We haven't brought much with us. No pain killers." Donatello didn't look like he was talking to us, but he continued anyway. "A little first aid stuff. A suture kit. That'll probably come in handy. Mike, do you know where he's hurt?"

"Where am I putting him?" My father interrupted. Hecame in carrying Raphael andhe looked to be as out of breath as I had been. Of course, he had been carrying extra weight with him, so it really wasn't a fair comparison. My uncle, my sensei, looked a little bit paler than what he normally did. I was getting a little worried. What if Mike was wrong? Or lying?

"Pick a bed," Donatello directed. "Mike, get me a wash cloth and some warm water. I know this isn't all Raph's blood."

I trembled a little moving back out of Mike's way so he could get the water.

"He woke up for a minute," Dad said putting Raph down on one of the beds and backing away. "He asked about Ren…and then was unconscious again."

I looked up. "Asked about me?"

"There's some metal in his leg," Don murmured. "It's going to take a lot of stitching."

My father walked over to me hugging me close to him again. "Are you hurt?" he asked glancing down at me.

I shook my head numbly. "Why…why was Uncle…I mean Raph…I mean sensei asking about me?"

Dad smiled slightly. "He was worried about you. He thought you might have gotten injured."

The first thoughts that came to mind was, "like he'd care" or "was he mad I was ok", but even I knew that was some kind of kid tantrum response and I wasn't in a tantrum kind of mood. I glanced around my father to watch Donatello start clearing away the excess blood. I had to fight the gag reflex at the smell that was overpowering the room. Never in my life did I want to smell anything like this again.

"While Donatello is taking care of Raph, why don't you get cleaned up a little," my dad suggested interrupting my thoughts of repulsion.

I looked up at him. "Are you coming?"

He glanced past me over to where Raphael lay and then shook his head. "No. Uncle Mike can show you where to get wash up. I'm going to stay here with Raphael."

Mike walked over to us. "If you can believe the things Don mutters to himself, he has a concussion. Nothing he hasn't had before. He doesn't seem too cut up. 'Cept maybe his leg. There's some pieces of metal in there. Probably a shuriken that broke off."

My dad nodded. "Mike, would you show Ren the bathroom so he can get cleaned up?"

"Yeh sure." Uncle Mike reached for me but I pulled away.

"No," I said. "I want to stay."

"Ren," Dad began looking down at me. "You shouldn't be in here. Things might get…"

"This is part of it, right?" I asked. "Part of the training? I should stay." It sounded reasonable to me, even though here was the last place I wanted to be.

My father sighed and glanced up at Mike who smirked. "He's got ya there, Bro"  
He glared at Uncle Mike before turning his gaze to me.

"Yes, it is part of it. And yes you should learn how to deal with injuries, but not now. Not today. There are still some things I can protect you from and this is one of them. Now go with Mike."

I heard a low moaning sound and I looked over. Donatello was doing something with Raph's leg and it didn't look like Raph was a willing subject. His eyes were closed but he kept pulling away from whatever Don was doing.

"Leo, someone, I need some help over here," Donatello said stepping away from Raphael. "He's not conscious enough to help deal with the pain and I don't have anything to numb the wound with."

I blinked and backed into Mike.

"Get him out of here Mike," Donatello ordered. "And come right back. This might take all of us."

Michaelangelo nodded and almost pushed me from the room.

I dragged my feet a little trying to look behind me, but Mike closed the door. He continued to push me down the hallway before stopping in front of another door. "The bathroom. Take a nice long bath."

I stared up at him in shocked silence.

Uncle Mike sighed. "Just…whatever you hear…don't tell Raphael, ok? And don't come in the room. Donnie knows what he's doing."

I was still stunned and I turned toward the other room at the sound of a low growl. It was slowly getting louder. Uncle Mike turned on the bathroom light and nudged me in. "Close the door and don't be scared. You know how tough Raph is." He turned and headed back down the hallway. The growling sound was becoming more a yell and then a scream. I slammed the door and leaned against it covering my ears. The sound, though muffled still carried. I ran over to the old bathtub and turned on the faucet. The water helped to drown out more of the noise but even in my imagination I could still hear my uncle screaming.

I sighed trembling. The more I learned about this ninja stuff, the less I liked it.


End file.
